PTSD AGAIN

hola,
NPR did another show on PTSD today,oh my.

i am torn about how to blog about this,
honestly as always but with or without the cheap laugh.
let's go for the cheap laugh then digress.

NASTY J ARMY GIRL 2
i married my Ex GriZelda at Muir Beach in Marin,it has easy access and is half nude and half textile.we wanted a nude wedding but most of our friends said they'd refuse to come so we compromised with a half anf half potluck reception (most of them didn't come anyway,screw ups).we were married in hand made (GriZelda) and self designed (by us) kimonos and costumes of authentic Japanese materials (Kasuri Dye Works of Berkeley which is no longer there,too bad a great place). several of my co workers were up for the nude reception part before we left for our brief honeymoon in Canada.
when we returned i went back to work with NASTY J (Army Girl 2) on the graveyard shift.now everybody knew Nasty J was screwed up but nobody knew why or how.well, after a very personal 'wedding gift' to me and GriZelda i came to know her a little better than most...

slight tangent,
in hard times a security guard job is golden because the building owners get a huge insurance break if warm bodies patrol the premises, the owners can make a profit and still pay the guard-bots well.

so we worked together and several nights in a row i'd come back to the home office after patrol and find Nasty J stark naked,i had no complaints and as a hard core S & M dyke i knew it wasn't a come on.(Nasty J carried a pink meter long thick dark green dildo named SIMBA in her knapsack everywhere she went).

like the shaman,first the symnbolic shedding of skin then the confessions...Nasty J had been in the Army rather than go to jail for attacking some guy who groped her.Nasty J had grown up in one of the worst porjects in SF and had been repeatedly beaten and humilated.
her mom was a single mom after her years long stint as a biker gang boy toy,Nasty J had no idea who her father might be.Nasty J slept 12 to 16 hours a day then came to work, she also drank heavily,had mood swings,depression et al.
she'd sit there crying,when she wasn't having sex with the other nude reception co worker,moaning about how hard and miserable her life was and how hard it was to 'find somebody'.well, first the all she scared the piss outta my EX GriZelda with her wild and mean streak then she was fond of handcuffing her new 'slaves' to the toilet for her roomies to find.she was a mess but she'd liked being in the army routine until she got a bad paper discharge for being herself.too much herself apparently. she eventually left for a better paying job...

notice how i mentioned shaman and symbolic shedding of skin? cute eh?

THE OLDEST PROFESSION?
hunter/gatherer of course then i think possibly shaman.
Neanderthals buried their dead with dignity,jewelry and care hundreds of thousands of years ago.Maslow (i think) had the Hierrchy of Needs and once the belly is full and fire keeps that hungry menace in the dark away humankind turns spiritutal.shaman (often disabled or different) became the gatekeepers to other realms and healing in this one (think midwives and herbalists too).off hand i cannot think of ANY human civilization which does not have a shamnic /healing element,can you?
i have a small postcard of Stonehenge on my desk next to my monitor (next to a happy Jesus,2 Batmans and the Joker toys)...that was leading somewhere,hmmm.

ah ANCIENT EGYPT and The Book of the Dead,like Babylon, ancient writing was full of spells and curses just as gypsies today still ply their trade in false faith.
FAITH is intangilbe but nonetheless real.tests have proven that water that has been prayed over is more beneficial to plants and people (holy water? holy cow!)

REALITY itself is more than the scientific jigsaw puzzle most people believe but people have jobs to go to,children to raise,adulteries to pursue,crimes to commit it is only when DISABILITY OR LOOMING DEATH ARRIVES THAT WE TAKE THE TIME OUT TO ACTUALLY OBSERVE OUR SURROUNDINGS.
TO BE,IN THE MOMENT,NOT MILES DOWN THE ROAD ATTEMPTING THE NEXT TASK.
BE-HERE-NOW!
Wake the F*** UP!
more from me later.

in other news;
don't forget to visit my friend 'rampster' who is less verbose than i.a good man and greater crip,non whiny, i like that.

semper grumpy
mega