Monday, March 30, 2009


"Good taste is the enemy of comedy." Mel Brooks

aloha again, got a CT Scan is about four hours. up & restless.
been thinking of racism and spacewalking astronauts being killed or injured by speedy space junk,bad dreams apparently.
me and Soul Mate lived in Mendocino County about five years.
beautiful country and some terrible people...my name,Jesus my name.the co founder of Kelseyville was a vicious pedophile,so terrbile that the Indians caught him and Kelsey and literally tore them apart before being massacred by american troops.
my name,my name was also being used by Klan Radio in Fort Bragg.me and SM went to Point Arena several times and the last time we were refused service at a grungy diner."You wouldn't be happy eating here." hissed the scrawny lipless female owner. we were directed across the street to another diner which was closed.went down the street to a hippy smoothie place and had a great time...parts of Mendocino County are still in the 50s.once or twice in Ukiah i was waiting for SM in our Jeep and some white women made a huge display of locking up their clunker beside me.
i frightened people in supermarkets,without intending to.it was often horrible.on the Plus side i made a good gay friend Geezer( AKA Gman),with the same acid sense of humor and the ridiculous. also i was the first chair of the County IHSS Commission and we got it off the ground safely despite me being in often unbearable pain. small town equals small minds up there except for Ukiah and Boonville and other places used to tourists.there is not much to see in Willits, the first stop light on 101 beyond Santa Rosa.met Erin Brocovich(sp?) there becasue of hex chrome poisoning & birth defects but that is another story.

Santa Cruz is cool except for one record store near Longs which jerked me around when i tried to buy a CD for SM (Marianne Faithful, smoky and cool like aged cheese) she bought the CD there herself the very next day,no problem. the record store has since been replaced by BevMo.
irony, Santa Cruz County and Mendocino County have the exact same sliver of black population with much different results.when kids point at me here it's because i resemble Santa, have a big belly or odd cane.nobody is startled to see me waddling around a corner in some store and nobody has made a display of locking their doors around me.just another FAT OLD CRIP WADDLING BY, THIS IS GOOD!

in other news,
they (Sacto solons)plan to cut the wages of ALL IHSS WORKERS BACK TO $9.50 despite the LIVING WAGE ESTIMATE OF @$20 for California.
go to http://act4ihss.blogspot.com/ for the latest news and protests.

PAGANI has invented a word SCARENALISM scare+journalism about the nauseasting trend in 'news' to emphasize gore and crime when it is actually declining.BE AFRAID,BE VERY AFRAID!!! Big Brotherism (not the TV show,no) vs tent cities and the jobless crisis et al.
PAGANI if you have a blog (s) please tell me and i'll add it to my links. anyone who likes Solaris must have a good brain,right?

semper gumby

Friday, March 27, 2009


"What fresh Hell is this?" Dorothy Parker

aloha again,just random grousing.

i have lived in bad places.
in the 70s i lived in Haight Ashbury after the speed freaks had chased the flower children to remote communes in the hills (many are still there) the first night i moved in a man was shot to death on the doorstep of my apartment building then Alioto cut off bus service beyond Masonic.
in the 80s i lived in SF's the Tenderloin for a decade where i had to chase whores off the doorstep from crapping or screwing so i could go home.an area so tough that a man who was killed after waving $100 bills around was ruled a 'suicide'. once,when i drove cab, a pretty blonde stew from some airline was assigned to buy drugs for the entire crew.early on sunday morning it took her less than two street converations and a housecall to find everything she wanted.
in the 90s i lived in Oakland where crips had their wheelchairs stolen as a cover for drug sales. then i lived in Berkeley where robbery and car thefts were common at the North Berkeley BART station and a downstairs nabe was carjacked at gunpoint one Christmas. on Telegraph Avenue, just blocks from UC, people are routinely harrassed,assaulted or stabbed by aggressive panhandlers/addicts from the nearby People's Park drug bazaar.

so one can imagine what i thot after first reading the almost daily rants about Pacific Avenue in Downtown Santa Cruz in The Senile (the local daily rag and apparent mouthpiece for the Chamber of Commerce) i half expected to see lil old ladies getting their eyes gouged out with dessert spoons before being ground up and sold for catfood. nope,not yet. admittedly i found black tar heroin and other sundries available for sale near the Greyhound station (that's news?) but nobody robbed or struck me. when a rare black female panhandler demanded money i replied 'i never give money to anybody who dresses better than i do'.gotcha! i then found a nice bench (since moved) by the Brazilian lingerie shop and a shoe store to people watch from.

now i admit a certain bias, i have met Robert Norris (and i have a good friend who works with him as a homeless advocate) but if Santa Cruz the City would just designate an area,like the Pogonip Wildnerness, for homeless camping and health service and the like the Downtown would be much safer and shopper friendly.this is a party hardy college/beach/tourist area and the last thing you want is to be groped or hassled while puking your guts out against some car or storefront, right?

another true story,
in the 90s at a crip conference i was abandoned by local Paratransit (they lied & lied & lied,despite my witnesses) at Jack London Square in Oakland. so i pushed my wheelchair over to BART but of course both the elevator and escalator were broken so i had to slowly push my chair SIX MILES HOME up busy druggy San Pablo Avenue on a Friday nite (while SM was home worried sick,Paratransit lied to her too-repeatedly) all the phones had been ripped out along the way to discourage drug dealers (yeah right) and several times i was asked if i worked for Sleepy who apparently rented out wheelchairs for drug sales. now i was not just another schmoo on the street then but veep of the BCOD (Berkeley Commisson on Disability) with an annual budget of a miliion bucks to distribute for crip purposes.
i fear i was unkind to the max when Paratransit limped in to lie about how great a job they were doing serving the crip community...i actually OFFENDED them,imagine that.

in other news,
you Pagani are an optimist but maybe correct.(see Comment about immortality). as far as i know Randi Rhodes is off the air,for now .
(PS...SM wants to know how u found out about my blog? any more details u care to share???)

" i ache in the places that i used to play.." Leonard Cohen songmeister

i have another CT Scan on Monday so i am going to try and chill out until then.beautiful weather predicted...

semper grumpy

Wednesday, March 25, 2009


"My country is broken." Randi Rhodes (radio host)

aloha again, just some random thots this time.

1.ABC News reports that ONE MILLION CHILDREN ARE HOMELESS IN AMERICA,most with their families. they profiled a disabled dad who had been homeless with his family for Ten Years.they moved from shelter to cheap motel to shelter.some motels were full of whores and used syringes,time to move again.the interview with the children was heartbreaking.
i am still pissed about it. collateral damage of Casino Capitalism.Billions for AIG but SINGLE PAYER HEALTHCARE IS "Too Complicated" or "Too Radical at this time" (meaning the venal insurance companies and campaign donors will suffer).
when i first moved here i was in Longs Drugstore and spotted an old white guy in tan shorts,he had a prosthetic leg, way cool. weeks later i saw him again at the Capitola Esplanade sunning his scarred stump on a bench.no biggie, i just admired his courage and self possession.CRIP PRIDE YEA!

in other news,
if you have five minutes to look at something i think is BEAUTIFUL.scroll down to the YouTube link and type in THOUSAND HAND GUAN YIN.Enjoy.

semper gumby

Sunday, March 22, 2009


"Your vision will become clear only when you look into your own heart.Who looks outside,dreams,who looks inside, awakens." Carl Jung



"The gods have their own rules." Ovid

"Ye shall be as Gods." Genesis

aloha again.
saw something disquieting on the Science channel last nite,
THE SUPERHUMANS 2 hrs long, they dressed it up in comic book graphics to possibly lessen the impact. where do i begin?

first they bred two rodent species whose DNA is further apart than man and chimps (yes they said that, 93% DNA match between human and chimp) the crossbreed experiment was sucessful. the result is what scientists call a CHIMERA,something NOT FOUND IN NATURE! (emphasis added). as usual they promised to 'cure birth defects' (as defined by who?) but the troubling part involved DESIGNER GENES & DESIGNER CHILDREN, they invoked the Digital Divide to predict there might someday be a Gene Divide between the Haves & Have Nots which might indeed lead to TWO DISTINCT HUMAN SPECIES!!!
it goes on,
RAY KURZWEIL (you've got to WIKI this dude,scroll down for the portal) wants to become IMMORTAL,no really. this guy is decribed in his Wiki bio as "a futurist and transhumanist"-TRANSHUMANIST,REALLY? now before you scoff at this i was up early this morning and figured out what this genius was up to...
think of DNA as a shoestring with a ferrule (end cap or tip) at each end of the lace,in genetics this ferrule is called a TELEMERE and as it unravels we age and become less resilient. now if you could prevent or reverse this unraveling you might indeed live forever (who would want to?). this is where stem cells come in as step one. step two is ORGAN FARMS where they would insert your DNA into a pig embryo (we're a lot alike and not just sexism wise, if a pig can eat it and not die so can you) and grow a spare kidney or lung or whatever repalcement part your body needs.they boasted "this is no longer the stuff of science fiction".

of course science fiction is based on THE LAW OF UNEXPECTED CONSEQUNECES, for example antibiotics have saved millions of lives but their overusage to fatten farm animals has lead to MRSA and other antibiotic resistant superbugs. in sci fi the problems generated by immortality lead to ennui and suicide (novel Childhoods End by Heinlein?).what if there is a caste of rich immortals over a much larger caste of poor mortals,no problems there right? let them eat Soylent Green cake?
some species of virus and micrboes are possibly immortal but should we add mankind to that list? i can think of all kinds of arguments and bio ethical treatises to keep the status quo, a natural death,versus immortality and a Utopian Society without crips & disability.where i ,for one, would've been aborted in the womb.what do you guys think?

"The factory of the future will have only two employees,a man and a dog.The man will be there to feed the dog.The dog will be there to keep the man from the equipment." Warren G.Bennis

"Humanity is acquiring all the right technology for all the wrong reasons."
R.Buckminster Fuller


semepr grumpy

Saturday, March 21, 2009


"Drama is life with the dull bits taken out." Alfred Hitchcock

i really should look for Comments b4 i write some of this stuff.
Pagani has corrected me on my sloppy observation about choosing the twisty path, for example serial killers & sociopaths.
i will not use the excuse of being addled diabetes,saving that for a bigger screw up.

okay, i will concede that Nature needs predators to thin the herd -raptors,hawks,lions,wolves,jackals etc etc. had a dream about Jack the Ripper recently,so this is in my thots.

does karma decide who becomes a serial killer or not? the whole Psych debate about Nature or Nurture rises its fuzzy head.when do we decide to break the Social Contract and run amok? the brother of Richard Alan Davis (the killer of Polly Klass) is a judge and his sister a social worker.
i grew up in Harlem ,most of my cohort either died in Nam,got hooked on heroin in Nam or wound up in prison. i didn't and neither did my friend Popsy who became a cop, my BFF Mike and his sister Alice were lost to smack long b4 Nam and it was not unusual for a teen to disappear awhile (not pregnancy related) and rumors surface of them hooking near Times Square,usually the ultra seedy Eight Avenue.the son of my next door nabe,a tainted NYPD cop, went that route and so later did his younger sister.
on my last trip to NYC as younger friend K,whom i used to play Doctor with, was off smack after hooking and asked me if i wanted to have sex. she meant well but i declined anyway. was she destined to be a heroin addict or were shabby schools,an alcoholic mother and permissive father part of the equation?

let me redefine my position Pagani, among Seekers & the spiritually restless,there is a choice of which twisty path to choose. among the numb,church haunted,soul dead,drug fried and sociopathic, not so much.
is that better? glad u care.
write on.

semper gumby


"Capacity is its own motivation." Henry W.Nessen
one of my fave quotes,a guideline.

aloha again.
not a good nite 4 sleeping.

just a thot, science has proved that both dolphins and neanderthals have bigger brains than modern man.all cultures have a creation myth.how well did the neanderthal creation myth fare when they met Cro Magnons??? neanderthals were highly adapted to the Ice Age climate then the climate changed dramatically and they couldn't...now we face a massive climate change,can we adapt in time?

in the same vein the finale of BSG (Batlestar Galacticva) was last nite.
in BSG robots become self aware and decide to end mankind.
in Terminator (movies & TV) robots become self aware and decide to end mankind.
in I,ROBOT (the movie not the novels) robots become self aware and decide to end mankind.
off screen workplace robots run amok and accidentally kill humns,nobody knows why.
in Japan they had a plan to outsource their elderly and disabled to cheaper locales,it caused general outrage,now they are developing nursing home robots...
Carl Heyek (sp?) invented the word "robot" i think its Czech for slave or thrall, in I,Robot the short stories & novels the brilliant Isaac Asimov,author and scientist developed the Five Laws of Robotics which were so all inclusive AI scientists today use them,cautionary note-in the novels the robots become self aware(sigh).
now i am a science and sci fi buff and when i heard in TV the prediction (Moore's Law) that within a human generation robots will be building themselves and eventually be smarter than humans,oh big whoop.
now we are an imperfect and often violent & irrational species.what if robots decide,logically, to put us down or imprison us for our own protection? how would we stop them? should we? is robotic eveolution the cure for our human catastrophe? to the Earth were are a spreading toxic cancer,would not a more logical species do a better job of conservation & popluation control et al?

as usual the Japan robots will tend to the disabled and frail elderly, who by some definitions would be viewed as imperfect or broken.
how do we explain disability to a logical mind?
how do we explain saving the life of a preemie or Down Syndrome infant? if someone becomes a para or quad or TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury) by accident or disease,how do we explain keeping them alive? and don't get me started on robot assisted suicide,where would that logically end?

these are things i think about when i cannot sleep (from new meds i hope)

in other news,
we are in the 4th World of the Hopi.the previous three worlds were destroyed by fire,ice and water. survivors fled underground for safety.the Blue Star of Hopi prophecy announcing the arrival of the 5th world is ,by some definitions , visible now in the night sky -just in time for the 11-21-2012 date of Mayan and Egyptian prophecy.sheer coincidendce?
sweet & sour dreams?

semper grumpy

Thursday, March 19, 2009


"He who hears the rippling of rivers in these degenerate days will not utterly despair." Henry David Thoreau

aloha again.
listening to blues, sore from spring weeding etc etc.

yin yang, a kernal of each inside the other.
sorry, still believe in 'free will' & karma of sorts.we all chose our twisty paths...
just responding to a Comment about Spiritual Wounds blog.

have a jumble of blog notes here.
on new meds so be patient...
THEY SHOOT HORSES DON'T THEY (Jane Fonda classic film) this was brought up by a Ripley's Believe It or Not which showed a Wiscosin farmer who collected two headed pigs,donkeys,cows and five,six,seven legged farm animals.apparently once you get then thru infancy they are as healthy as anything else.
linked to this thot is EUGENICS which started in California and was such a dandy racist idea Hitler and the Nazis adopted it.as usual the 'feeble minded',disabled and deformed were the first to feel the knife then they sterilized the poor and darkies.
this leads to a news story about some gene doc who promises to help potential parents select eye color,hair curliness,wgt,intelligence etc etc.(insert the aborting Beethoven here & cruel Tuskegee experiment).
crips as usual see this as the potential to eliminate all 'birth defects' & criptitude once and for all,before they cure all diseases and prevent all accidents (like a G rated Times Square). there are several movies about this theme...now i honestly think a lot of crips lack mental toughness due to the routine humiliations & lack of experience eating sh*t at work,but this may be more than Crying Wolf. um um um...

sorry,my train of thot got derailed.
we are imperfect as a species,as a society,as a culture and everything else.
that is why a constant flow of Messiahs and angels are on vigilant eternal duty to save our sorry asses. the Roman God Vulcan the blacksmith was a crip, imagine a culture which does not have at least one crippled god? other Gods were insane,lecherous,avaricous ,gluttonous,drunks or boostful. the Spartans killed all children who did not meet their ideals of perfection (see '300') which eventually lead to their internal collapse and absorption (see History channel).
let's just smother Steven Hawkings in his crib and be done with it. van Gogh and Picasso too while we're at it...

in other news,
SM is busy doing taxes and listening to blues,ah sweet sorrow.
i heard a radio analogy of the AIG bailout being like pumping air into a blown out tire,priceless.
don't you wonder why every time there are government funds to be cut the poor,frail elderly and disabled are the first to be shown the ice flow exit (see Eskimo/Inuit)? and children too, was listening to some politico blather about RE-INVENTING EDUCATION (sic). they have been doing this ghost dance since the New Math of the 60s and now we have a near 50% drop out rate in high school.good work guys & gals & all you so called Educators.gotta keep those pricey prisons full right?
saw MR.BROOKS (Kevin Costner) on pay-cable recently which compared serial killing to addictions (making them crips too?) a quite tasteful treatment of a sordid topic.Korak The Killer made a slightly muddier analogy,'like eating popcorn or sushi' he said (see previous Blk History Month blogs).
that's it for me today.

semper gumby

Saturday, March 14, 2009


"In the Country of the Blind the One-Eyed Man is King." H.G.Wells
i wish.
aloha again,just a morning scramble today.

1. H.R. 676 'Expanded and Improved Medicare for All' sponosred by John Conyers D.Mich and 64 co-sponosers (per today's Amy Goodman column,see the Democracy Now website too) is the simple economical and competitive response to crippling employer sponsored healthcare,so of course it is being sh*tcanned in DC,again.

2. my hands
my hands hurt
my hands hurt from neuropathy,carpal tunnel,Lyme and some as yet unexplained tremors which are increasing.
makes it hard to type.(frowny emoticon here)
3.my friend ISIS has suggested we invent fun disability games.
3 legged race anyone?crip in a sack? crip pinyatas? braille hide & seek? the phone company invented blind baseball years ago with beeping baseballs.adaptive technology for blind soccer or football??? just a thot.
4.listening to Gore Vidal on CSPAN as i type this,fascinating.
by following the odd links connected to this blog my friend Isis has found some crip smut (?) will check it out and get back to you.
4.i resolve every year NOT to get a new diagnosis,did okay the last two years. this year i have failed.
some kind of vague kidney blockage and now possible/alleged VICODIN/TYLENOL damage of the liver,still to be confirmed plus now my PCP wants a CT Scan of my pneumonia damaged lungs (sigh).it is what it is.
in other news,
the internet is claiming now that Lyme disease causes aggression and homicidal psychosis. okay, i can live with that.
if i do Go Postal i hear the psych prison food is slightly better than Gen Pop.

semper gumby

Wednesday, March 11, 2009


"Humankind cannot bear very much reality." T.S.Eliot

aloha again,
for once i don't have answers so please bear with me.

a radio talk show caller asked the host not to use the childish word GREEDY,(for the current economic meltdown/bailout/fraud) but instead to use MONEY ADDICTION to denote an uncontrollabe lust and striving.the caller did not ask WHY? why do we use more drugs than other countries? how deep is the Hole that must be filled with addictions to sex,drink,drugs,violence,fast cars,consumerism and debt?
i admit i am screwed up,just read this blog it's no secret, but i somehow found Soul Mate and have not screwed that up.

okay it's time to bring out CYRUS (real name).back in the mid 90s Soul Mate and i went to Harbin fairly regularly (it's a clothing optional spa/campground just beyond Calistoga).one sunset i was sitting at a dry well near the cafe waiting for SM when this old plump white guy sat down nearby and started talking to me. his name was Cyrus and he was dying of prostate cancer,he claimed to have made and lost millions over his career and knew his third and last wife had married him just for his money. all his children hated him and only tolerated him to keep their checks coming.he was at Harbin because one of his kids was groupie idolizing some guru there and he wanted to have a heart to heart afterwards.
"where did i go wrong? i made money.i had power over people.how come i'm so unhappy?" or words to that effect. then he said to me, a fat black pain straddled poor crip that i must be as miserable as he.right on cue SM came out,topfree, and kissed me on my bald pate.i stated that despite poverty and obvious infirmity i was Happy with my life,mate,children,hobbies and situation.Cyrus obviously didn't want to hear this... while giving blood this week (again) i heard a self proclaimed 90 year old woman in a wheelchair state to her caregiver." i hate family. i've never had one and i resent these people trying to include me in theirs!" it is what it is apparently.

now i minored in NATIVE AMERICAN HISTORY (A MAN CALLED HORSE,DANCES WITH WOLVES etc) at City College SF and had many classmates who were NAs too.some of them,the more spiritual, had no Hole that i could recognize despite being poor and having alcoholic relatives and friends. IMHO they were TOO SPIRITUAL for this modern world.this cutthroat, dog eat dog,feed the rich & screw the poor necropolis.

now a society which literally has people from all over the world should be more balanced,right? but we're not? we rape the planet for transient wealth and we rape and sell people for the same reasons.back @1970 the NY Times had a quote from somebody famous (no prize if u know who) 'THEY STEAL OUR DREAMS THEN SELL THEM BACK TO US". priceless (see Hippie Nostalgia used for commercials and PBS pledge drives).

i am a history buff and i loved the ROME series on HBO but it made me quite uncomfortable with the parallels to our current mess.is the Greco Roman template of Western Society the basis for The Hole? is emptiness and self loathing our heritage then? my friend KORAK THE KILLER was empty,hollow and addictive.i loved & trusted him but knew his flaws.when i hear about serial killers and shootouts i always listen for his name.not yet...

like i said, i have no answers this time.i have a bookshelf with books on human Evil (Hitler, the SS,Genghis Khan,Attila,the real Dracula,Elizabeth Bathory)even tracing it back thru Hindu pre-history and even several books on ADDICTIVE SOCIETY don't fill all the gaps. what went wrong? why aren't we as a people more Happy? is The Hole the Mark of Cain, the first city builder of The Bible? just asking, thanks for listening.

in other news,
Medicare For All appears to have been smothered in the cradle. look for the Same Old Same Old with fancy frosting out of DC (sigh then die). the dumbassification of America continues...

semper grumpy

Monday, March 9, 2009


aloha again,
IMHO thot WATCHMAN should have been longer and darker,but i liked it.not as much as DARK KNIGHT but still tasty.

have been razzed for including myself among 'shamanic types' or some such.
let me explain with two snippets.

1.me & Soul Mate lived in the East Bay and the boys,about 5 & 6 at the time,loved Corndonices (sp?) Park above Berkeley.now the youngest used to be a biter but we eventually broke him of the habit.so one weekend he ,the ex biter,was bitten and came and told me,so i asked him to get the biter kid and bring him to me. now i was in extreme pain then and awash in new meds so i talked to the kid like he was one of my own before his minder came and got him.i have no idea what i said. years later,same park, and his minder comes up to me and asks what i said to him as he never bit anyone again.told her the truth, i have absolutely no idea.

2.i worked at Moscone Center for almost nine years.every month or so a private exterminator would come in and spray the place to comply with Health Codes.always the same guy,we chatted as i unlocked dorrs for him but nothing substantial i thot.
one nite he says to me "you're a spiritual guy."
i denied this,saying i never went to church.
"You know what i mean!"
now pesticide is merely diluted nerve gas (neurotoxins) and his spray stuff was attacking his kidneys and liver,terminally. now he wasn't afraid to die but he worried about his wife and young kids.i think i sat with him an hour or so and told him what i knew about death & dying.it seemed to settle and soothe him.he died ten days later his replacment told me,i was given the message that i had helped. again i have no idea what i said but i spoke from my heart.

now a shaman,despite what you see in movies, is in the subtle business (craft/legacy) of energies,death & dying.experiencing his/her own so they can help others thru the process.i am self taught and probably more wrong than right but i think i have at least a touch of The Gift (or Curse?). see HEIROPHANT in Tarot.

our friend Greg,who died a suicide, was a victim (?) of what i think was a martial arts related Soul Murder,i helped ease his passage,some.he left us a much prized and much travelled Buddha as thanks, his most prized possession.it always has a place of honor where ever we go...this all came up because a lot of our crip freinds and disability allies died last year. about three weeks apart starting about Memorial Day until my son's accident in November ended the streak.i still miss them and bear the burden of their dying.they are missed.

in other news,
i have a minor kidney blockage diagnosed last week which will probably require minor (sic) surgery soon.
will keep you posted. it is what it is.

semper gumby

Sunday, March 8, 2009


aloha again,
nothing heavy this time.
scroll down to the bottom of this page and find that i have added a YouTube web portal.
go down and type in 'DISABILTY DANCE'.

in other news,
one of the crip listservs i subscribe to had the tag line 'disabilty & hunting'.
oh really? this is a problem? we have crips and vet crips sleeping in urine soaked boxes,in the rain, and some freaks think that crips in wheelchairs should go hunt deer? what about blind hunters? or antisocial bipolar hunters?
IMHO we have bigger fish to fry (sorry,couldn't resist ).

i am off to see Watchman in about 75 minutes, spent hours watching Watchman trailers on You Tube yesterday in preparation.
when my blog gets too glum (which is often apparently) now you can scroll down to You tube and GET HAPPY! or at least visually distracted.

semper gumby.

Saturday, March 7, 2009


aloha again
(tribute to my dead buddy Tom from Hawaii)
spent a lot of time in the car this week;doctors,lab bloodwork-twice,CT Scan
(try not to puke!) and heard a pundit say that we will know the ECONOMY HAS HIT ROCK BOTTOM WHEN INVESTING IN CANNED FOOD AND AMMO BEATS WALL STREET. Mad Max time,yippee.

meanwhile here in "Paradise", as some locals and the Chamber of Commerce/tourism call it ,CRIPS ARE NOW FINDING IT EASIER TO FIND CAREGIVERS (due to the 12.3% county unemployment rate,15+% in Monterey)....(smiley face here).

a bitter joke i made up this week
1.we all get a big comfy box to live in
2. there is a lottery for who gets the dry spots under the freeway during rainy seasons.
3.we sneak into the yards of the rich to pillage their fruit trees (watch out for guard dogs) when not dumpster diving
4.plenty of time to work on our tans at the beach (don't litter).
5.remind ourselves that we're still better off than the GOP tax cuts/do nothing alternative.
great googly moogly,
NPR has discovered the War on Drugs (as Bill Maher says Drugs Won!)
and the bloodsoaked cartel wars in Mexico. don't quote me on the numbers but the USA has something like 5% of the worlds pop yet consumes 60% of the worlds illicit drugs.
why is that? what's lacking in our reality which we need hard drugs to assuage/soothe (wrong word?).is it a Spirutal Wound of some kind like the ancestors worried about? for movies see the xlnt RUSH with Jason Patric & Jennifer Jason Leigh or PANIC IN NEEDLE PARK in NYC with a very young Al Pacino or the obscure indie COOL WORLD shot in Harlem around the 60s or 70s.so you know what i mean,sorta.

SOUL MATE has been riding me about promoting LSD (her opinion) in these blogs, i try to explain that I WAS SUICIDAL BEFORE AND AFTER TAKING LSD THE FIRST FEW TIMES.my fractured ACA/PTSD upbringing had trashed my self esteem and bedrock whatever (sense of selfhood).
i used LSD as a tool,(one among many like the I Ching,Tarot cards,Lao Tsu,martial arts,meditation,chi flow then Zen Buddhism & combat tai chi) to staunch the Spiritural Wounds of my persona. see the history of healing ceremony like KACHINAS,Medicine Man & Wheels,Ghost Dance,White Buffalo Cult & Jung's anima/animus etc etc. unlike Soul Mate i have been a student/Seeker of comparative religions/world mythos since the Baptist chiurch threw me out of Sunday school for asking too many questions.
P.S. did LSD from 1969 until @1991,after you unlock the door you put the key back in your pocket.right?
just so you'll know...

in other news,
the sun is shining again and tomorrow i get to see WATCHMAN,
loved the graphic novel!
as Scoop Nisker used to say
"if you don't like the News,go out and make some of your own!" right on.

semper grumpy

Tuesday, March 3, 2009


aloha again,
do they give DEATH ROW inmates an alcohol swab before their Lethal Injection? why?

GIGO (Garbage In Garbage Out)
thru my local drugstore i have automated perscription refills,automated by cranky senile chimps apparently.i now have three different Passwords,any or all are Invalid according to their whim.
i get daily online 'phantom refills' which do not exist in this reality. meanwhile,in ths reality, i am expected to get 39 days out of a 30 day refill! plus i have two months of the wrong syringes to go with my insulin.i already mentioned how i got shortchanged on antidepressants for a year,right?
Obama hopes that soon everyone will share in these pleasures.(sigh)

my Ex (G?) reminds me that this movie also has CRIP LOVEMAKING along with an undying muscularity of attitude.it played about seven days in S Cruz and i got in on the last day, there were three people in the theater.death,dying and criptitude THE LAST TABOOS?
my carpal blind fingers are not working that well today but i wanted to Vent,so...

in other news,
W is back home drinking again in Texas.GOODY!
is there a snowballs chance in Hell Obama will correct or improve our archiac HEALTH 4 PROFIT system while Sol still burns bright???? me no sabe.

semper grumpy

Sunday, March 1, 2009


aloha me again,
the chocolate Andy Rooney typing in his bathrobe.
drugstore stiffed me on antidepressants again, will get all ethnic tomorrow when i have more energy.
up and down since 3 ayem, had a beautiful dream where i shook hands with Obama after bitching with others about the challenges he faced.(i listen to WAY TOO MUCH news,radio & TV)

Remember the movie THE DEER HUNTER and the firestorm it caused about Viet vets,what happened? it was on again last note,no biggie.lil changes in the mainstream. was telling Soul Mate aout what i might write about today and she found my explanation ICKY.will try to do better here.

there is a cult movie called CRASH,no not that one,this one stars James Spader,Holly Hunter and Kuri Wuhrer (sp?) and its about a subculture which makes a fetish out of car crashes and disfigurement.it is extremely well done and sexy despite being morbid and eccentric (sounds kinda like me huh?) now this CRASH caused nary a ripple but i think it redefines the meme of DISABILITY wherein we have to re-evaluate what is Sexy and/or Acceptable,our human normalcy beyond the Hollywood Heroic Crip image.we are not all Steven Hawking....
when i was SF State they had a Human Sexuality class (not mine damnit) where they showed videos of CRIP LOVEMAKING then had an actual nude demo of a male quad and his GF where he hammered his good fist aginst her clit until she orgasmed.neat huh?

i have had to deal with many diminishing adjustments over the decades(diabetes,carpal tunnels,osteoarithrits,neuropathy,macular degeneration,Lyme deep muscle spasms and CNS poisoning,bad feet and knees,etc etc etc).at risk for going blind (still) a friend offered to describe PC porn images to me,whatta guy! not sure the blind programs add that feature yet?

the Berkeley PD put out a book on Crip Etiquette years ago and despite knowing beter i find myself making the same mistakes. when i was in a wheelchair for several years everyone talked to my caregiver like i wasn't even there (your basic Potted Plant Peter) .once when we went to the Gay Pride Parade and she was being ignored trying to push me thru i yelled out YOU'RE RIGHT.FROM DOWN HERE EVERYONE DOES LOOK LIKE ASSH*LES! still true.

grit your teeth for this part,collegespeak ahead.
we live in a Greco Roman heritage of Physical Perfection-see Da Vinci & Michelangelo,movie stars Brad & Angie et al ,despite this the Impressionists with all their flaws somehow managed to express their truths as a culturally relevant meme despite the static display of what passed for critical thinking in those days.WHAT YOU SEE OR EVEN THINK YOU SEE IS NOT ALWAYS WHAT YOU GET.(see Van Gogh sidebar)

same topic,another approach (for details Google Cargo Cult),the premise is that any technologically advanced culture will overwhelm then crush the more 'primitive cultures' it encounters (except Ancient Rome perhaps??? and maybe us?) which is why many fear the impact if UFOs are indeed real (don't worry they aren't. the truth is much worse). the Ancestors (so called Native Americans) were a shamanic based culture which accepted and not 'tolerated' diversity in all respects,including gayness.we were Not defective or broken,we were kindred.let me stop here before i get into a rant about massacres,smallpox blankets,gatling guns and broken treaties which continue even today.

when i was asked why i took LSD , like eons of esoteric occult veil lifting shaman types before me,i explained ITS LIKE FRENCH KISSING THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE,IMAGINE THAT.ya hadda be there...unlike many but not all acidheads, i used LSD to embrace The Divine thru Absolute Surrender and Meditation.the Universe IS a Van Gogh painting that breathes.OM OM OM...UM?

hmmm,seem to have derailed from my train of thot here.
VIDEODROME with James Woods and BLADE RUNNER offer alternate visions or lens to view reality as does great science fiction.(for you Rampster)
HP LOVECRAFT,ISAAC ASIMOV,PHILP K,DICK.ROBERT SILVERBERG, THEODORE STUREGEON,EE "Doc" SMITH even Charles Fort are the lenses which i used as a child and young adult,along with comix.i could go on,but i won't, with all the comix characters who are blind,deformed, cyborgs, amputees, mutants...you get the idea.

is this blog gone semi incoherent or is it just me?
we have to re-frame and re-imagine disability for the mass culture. IRONSIDE,LONGSTREET,TATE ,THE HULK were all TV series with disabled main characters.did any of them have a sex life or recreations, i don't remember. do you?
in other news,
my bad hip is killing me so i'll stop now.

scan My Blog List,PLEASE.
2 -28 -09 Cat in a Dogs World does a Nice Job on ABLEISM & House MD 'misanthropic jerkitude'.well done,ver well done!!!

semper gumby