Monday, April 27, 2009


"If this happens people will die...and I might be one of them."
me @ 4 years ago at County Bd of Supes mtg

aloha again,
golly,where to begin?
1918-1919 40 million died worldwide of the so called Spanish Flu (new research shows it actually began in Kansas) B.A.{before antibioticS.}
the CDC reports that every flu season 36,000 i repeat 36,000 americans die of influneza related causes NORMALLY.
my County bought 10.000 body bags four years ago for the bird flu,so far nada.

so why exactly are we running around like our hair is on fire?
one reason, this new SWINE FLU is a three part mutant,human/bird/swine and is 'unique' as far as flu viruses go.( so relax TAMIFLU & REFLUNEZA knock it down)
reason two, there is some speculation that Mexico is UNDERESTIMATING the flu numbers to keep tourism numbers healthy (258 flights a day so far).
reason three,one of the NYC spring breakers to Cancun was ASYMPTOMATIC meaning all the warning signs were absent before he infected others.
reason four,WHO (WORLD HEALTH ORGANIZATION) has a six phase pandemic process, we've been on Phase Three since the bird flu stuck its beak up and today they went to Phase Four.(check www.CDC.gov for more details).
reason five, it gives us something to think about besides our tanking econmy until THE RAPTURE or whatever...

you're welcome,now go hide under the covers.
semper grumby

Wednesday, April 22, 2009


"Get the facts right,then you can distort them."
Mark Twain (to reporters of his era)

aloha again,
HAPPY EARTH DAY beautiful weather here.

it takes a lot of meds to keep me alive and sorta functional.based on the warning labels attached i should wear an air condtioned burka (keep out of direct sunlight & avoid heat stress) so the effects of weather are kinda important to me.
last saturday was PERFECT,SOUL MATE & I ventured out to mock tourists arrivng at the Esplanade (Capitola Beach) in mid afternoon & hoping to find parking. there are maybe 200 beach side slots for a beach that can hold thousands beyond the usual hard core surfers. it was cruel but fun. so the weather guessers predicted the next few days would be in the 80s,still okay for me. now we have two porch thermometers on the front porch,one in sunlight by the two birdfeeders and one in the shade.both have consistently registered 100 Degrees over the last three days, a fact denied by the fallacious Weather Channel website for Capitola but later confirmed by the local news. SIGH.
SWELTERING is bad for me, despite ice water and insulated housing i have a hard time doing much of anything other than being overheated & grumpy.so i was relatively pissed (today the summmerlike morning fog is back, i'm good.) i will spare you the list of ailments related to sudden heating then cooling,suffice to say i now have a firdge full of hot weather goodies (beer,chocolate,salads,BBQ and other no cook edibles). ...um, diuretics are working now and i mislaid my train of thot.had some concept of universality related to all this.....GET THE FACTS FIRST? Esp healthwise,be an informed medical consumer.i have a shelf full of books on meds and my various conditions/afflictions (plus WEBMD daily updates), like SM in her library/book trove.i always have a list of questions and data,if a prescribed med has TERRIBLE SIDE FX (some do) i refuse to take it & explain why.luckily my PCP is cool with this and not an assh*le (this is rare but not impossible).

in other news,
i was happy.
happy as a a puppy.
happy as Lindsay Lohan leaving Rehab again.
happy as a pig in sh*t with my new cataract surgery implant.
so of course my retina specialist DR.BUZZKILL reminds me,in his plummy Brit accent."You still have long myopic eyeballs.You could STILL GO BLIND YOU KNOW." does he think i'm a fool??? i have been to the local VISTA CENTER FOR THE VISUALLY IMPAIRED (vistacenter.org for tricounty area) who have social workers who come to you house and prepare you for vision loss (they also have classes and gadgets).they made two of my canes WHITE CANES & taught me how to walk streets alone & with a guide plus they can BLINDPROOF my place if need be.i didn't tell Dr.Buzzkill that i sometimes navigate my home using just my Bad Eye or with both eyes closed.
i remember a bumpersticker from when i was a new parent YOU CAN'T SCARE ME,I HAVE CHILDREN! ditto, i have a SM who loves me,adult children,live in "Paradise",have good docs & my white canes.BRING IT!
anyway that's where i am today.

P.S. speaking of Lindsay (one of us crips) catch her eHarmony spoof on Funny or Die.com.

semper gumby

Monday, April 13, 2009



to MY EX (*) for her mature insights.

to PAGANI for being a Buddha.

to Howard for being Howard.

to SOUL MATE always.

that's it.

Sunday, April 12, 2009


"Things are entirely as they appear to be-and behind them...there is nothing."
Jean-Paul Sartre
i disagree vehemently.

aloha again,
the restless minds...

BLADE RUNNER (now on pay cable again),one of my all time fave movies is based on a novel by one of my all time fave authors PHILLIP K.DICK and his book DO ANDROIDS DREAM OF ELECTRIC SHEEP?

bout a hour ago i was watching The Naked Archeologist on TV where he was talking about the Giants in Genesis,not really giants but a mistranslation of NEPHILIM "the fallen".NA talked to an Isreali scientist & lingiust who believed that Nephilim referred to hominids without souls (sic) who interbred with human females.(pause here to thumb thru Genesis,all done?)
then NA talked to another scientist who showed that Neanderthals and Homo Sap lived on Mount Carmel togehter for about 30,000 years and probably interbred.that is where NA left it showing up many of the shortcomings of pop science.the scientist mentioned that Neandterthals & Homo Sap buried their dead in the same manner et al.there is massive evidence that Neantherthals buried their dead with a concept of the After Life with burial trinkets,food & weapons just like other primitive societies.No Soul? Preposterous i say.

what has this got to do with Blade Runner?
knowing P.K.Dick from more than one novel i posit the question, if we build androids-artifical humans, how do we know that they don't have souls? might not a stray soul or souls inhabit a suitable vessel? should this effect the way we are treating more and more complicated machines and robots now? what about CYBORGS {CYBernetic ORGanisms},humans (many severely disabled) with machine parts or interfaces.where do we draw the line between man & machine? who decides? priests or scientists or governments? when do we begin thinking about this seriously?
many believe that animals like dolphins,primates,cats & dogs have souls.i agree with this idea,so might not these souls upgrade??? if not why not? is GOD(ESS) species specific? how narrowly defined do we want to go? put your ideas in COMMENTS below.
Happy Easter/Passover/whatever.

sumper gumbo


"Kind words and a Gun, will get you more than just kind words." attributed to both Al Capone & John Dillinger

other than that Mrs.Lincoln,how did you enjoy the play???
unkind words however will get you a heartfelt admonishment from Soul Mate about "hurtful & inapproriate content."
i am not perfect & have never claimed to be,here or anywhere else.it takes a lot of meds,supplements and high dose aspirin to keep me functional and even then i endure Chronic Pain,muscles spasms and bouts of Severe Depression.
that is not an excuse for anything, i'm just saying...HONESTLY.

MY EX (mama ninja) is welcome to post a Comment in response which will be uncensored as long as this blog is up (the unforseeable future).

in other news, (collegespeak alert!)
this is a radical interpretation of what Julian Jaynes proposed in the mid 1970s,lets see if i can state this coherently.
scientists have lately discovered a God Lump in the human brain which lights up under PET SCANS during intense prayer,meditation and what have you. using methods similar to IMMANUEL VELISKOVSKY (Wiki this guy) Jaynes posited that human myths are fragments of genuine human history and NOT mere fantasy.he also posited that the modern concept of a triple decker formation of human personality was not always true and that original humans had but a rudimentary sense of self (located in one hemisphere,unicameral) and the so called higher regions were associated with gods or spirits (like current Native Americns?) . now,being an egghead, Jaynes thot these regions might be channels of mass hysteria or delusional but lets go beyond prejudice for a bit.lets posit the existence of ESP receptors in the uncharted regions of the human brain...and lets go out on a limb and posit that the vocies schizophrenics hear are 'real' not delsuional. suppose the voices belong to ghosts or spirits or other entities??? this might show that so called primitives are unemcumbered by modern prejudices, a PET scan of some indigenous peoples might test this out? maybe the spirits of the forest and Mother Earth do indeed exist. i'm just saying...could countless generations of shaman ALL be wrong? IMHO i think not.

check out THE HUMAN CARE ALLIANCE of the Central Coast for a list of good links.
semper grumby

Friday, April 10, 2009


"Stay committed to your decisions,but stay flexible in your approach."
Tom Robbins author

aloha again,
my children think i am a terrible parent.
sometimes,when i am depressed and in EXTREME PAIN (like now) i agree.

my children think My Ex is a somewhat failed saint.
IMHO i disagree.
she is the same age as Madonna and almost a flamboyant.when we were together she had pierced ears,nose,nipples,navel and prepuce (clit hood) and a growing collection of expensive mismatched tattoos and when i came home i never knew what her hair color would be. artist painter/cartoonist,ACA, (jealous) LSD loving bisexual sex addict,musician of sorts, cheap fashionista,nudist,ex Catholic and DAVID LYNCH film fan,we had a lot in common then. when she became pregnant one of her older sisters gave us a book of monsters & mutations, everything that could possibly go wrong in the womb.sweet jesus(passive aggressive a specalty). My Ex defines herself as a self medicating ADHD Adult,good enough.

i once told her once to clean up her act (thinking she could,she couldn't)otherwise our kids 'would think I LOVE LUCY is a documentary'. Folie a Duex indeed.while we were together she took two different jobs and forgot to ask what they paid, turns out they paid nothing. one was even an elobarate scam which bilked many.we met at work,me after wolf girl and she was married to The Manchild. you've heard of YOUR MONEY IS 'OUR MONEY' & MY MONEY IS MY MONEY?' hard to raise a family under those conditions but not impossible. we had GOOD CLEAN DIRTY FUN,OFTEN even with kids.

this whole foreclosure mess reminds me of the time we were evicted by the bank for non payment of rent,we had the receipts but our landlord turned out to be a crackhead liar and so we went.we seemed to move every year or so,which totally blew out my bad back. she tells the kids she married me because she thot i would produce beautiful & brilliant children,yes but our combined DNA is a witches brew of unexpected results.my bipolar youngest thinks that i should've known more about Genetics in 1986 than most labs do now.Yeah right...

"A dissatisfied woman demands toasted snow." Arab Proverb
if those days if i could've provided toasted snow i would have.
we fought a lot, she likes to fight ...for the drama.nothing was ever resolved,some days she would just invent sh*t or lift something from her stash of emotional warfare/ getting a divorce books.she even pretended to have PMS for years until i studied up on it.
one of TS Eliot's poems (The Hollow Men?) ends with "this is the way the world ends,this is the way the world ends;not with a bang but a whimper". one day you wake up exhausted and weary of the struggle and before you ask yourself "do i want to grow old with this woman?" you already know the answer.

My Ex had a friend i nicknamed AXEL after the white wolverine in the Fusco Bros comic strip.Axel had two parents who were cops and came to SF to become a sex worker/heroin addict wtih big implants.Axel once said "if a man can make you laugh,he can make you come and if he can make you come he OWNS you!" not true.
The Beatles song ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE...not true either.
the knife in my heart is when i told her' i did every thing i could to make you happy.'
her reply "i don't want to be happy". intensity over intimacy, a common complaint.GAME OVER.

don't be so hard on yourself Pagani (read your blog) i forgot who said it but they say "it matters not how many times you get kncoked down but how many times you get up again."
sorry this is not more entertaining.

P.S. ANON you should move to Berkeley where you would feel at home.watch that forehead vein okay?



"Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession.I have cause to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first." Ronald Wilson(666) Reagan

12 HOURS UNPLUGGED...NO NET,NO CELL,NO PHONES,NO 911, ATMS & BANKS CLOSED,STORES RUDELY DEMANDING SOMETHING CALLED...(shudder) CASH! PEOPLE WERE IN SHOCK THEN CRISIS! people were crying over their Blackberries in internet cafes -calloused fingers jerking uncontrollalby,mall rats were confused & scared,people on bicycles stared in horror at their dead cells (i actually saw this),bad drivers had no cell phones to hold up as excuses,it seemed like the whole world had ended!!! SOB SOB SHUDDER WAIL.

that same day,yesterday, i got word that the State of Confusion-eh,California, had discontinued the contract with people trying to train communites on how to respond to Natural Disasters.the Godess was bitchy yesterday & humans were stupid,same difference?
speaking of idiots,
when the AntiChrist Reagan was overlord of this state i got many reliable reports that they emptied the mental hopsitals of crips by giving them a One Way Ticket to Willits ( i spoke to eyewitnesses & nurses) where the dazed got off in the Willits Safeway parking lot with $25 and no idea what to do next.(snark alert!) which explains a lot of misbehavior in Mendocino County still...
today the homeless of many states get a similar ticket to fair weather liberal San Francisco.
SIGH in the news yesterday was a skimpy report that TWO ORANGE COUNTY HOSPITALS have reached a $1.6 million settlement with LA for dumping patients on Skid Row there. have you seen the videos? the guy with one shoe in a hospital gown pushing his broken wheelchair down the street? the woman with the post surgery bloody bandages under her coat & gown? the guy rudely dumped by a cab in front fo the Skid Row mission?
L A solons claim over 150 people were routinely outsourced over a 2 year period."We will not stand idly by while society's most vulnerable are dumped in the gutters of Skid Row."claims D.A. Rocky Deladillo.most of the money ($1.2 mil) go to charities that service the mentally ill & homeless.BIG WHOOP.the way we treat crips of all kinds in this decadent crumbling society is a f*cking disgrace.
damn, i meant to write about a more cheery subject today,like the time i almost killed four Samoans on motorcycles,maybe another time.

is a group devoted to aiding and advising parents of Speical Needs Kids of all kinds,including those along the unpredictable Autism Spectrum.they have classes in Enlgish & Spanish,check it out if you need this,they are good peeps. i got a good foundation for dealing with my brilliant bipolar cranky late diagnosis Aspergers youngest son.
in more other news,
hullo Bryan,hope u like.
maybe this is why i dreamed last nite i was trapped in a Family Guy cartoon dealing with Peter Griffin at his worse.is inane loutishness a disability??? should be,where could we send them...NYC! nobody would notice & they'd blend right in.which is one of many reasons i left (he he he).

semper gumby

P.S. to ANONYMOUS reply to my Class Warfare blog, i know a guy whose vein pulses in his forehead alarmingly when he talks like that.is that you? as to content i would have to say i 93% agree,we are not all SHEEPLE ...Yet.hold on let me find something...

"A cynical,mercenary, demagogic press will produce in time a people as base as itself." Joseph Pultizer (yes That Pulitzer)

ANON take deep breath,watch the History Channel about how Rome fell,for some reason i find the subject oddly relaxing.if all else fails take a cold shower,howl at the moon & write me again.
hugs mega

Tuesday, April 7, 2009


*your fly is open.
*who turned out the lights?
*your waitress is naked and cheating you!
*that's not really chicken.
*can't tell the difference between worms & noodles,can you?
*the crunchy topping is deep fried roaches.
*the cat peed in your soup!
*secretly everyone at your table hates you...
*we just sold your white cane on eBay.
*Craigslist says you're a fun date,just add roofies.
*there is a camera in the mens room,shrimpy.
*your change is all Monoply money sucker!
* we are burglarizing your house right now.
* your date is a hairy transvestite,lucky you.
* there is a dead man hanging from the creaky ceiling fan.
*what's that smell?
*the Health Dept closed this place down weeks ago.
*deep fry it often enough & people will eat anything!

aloha again,
i am on a lot of lists.
3 for crips, one for Lyme,Chronic Pain, Firbromyalgia, Neuropathy, Diabetes,Disaboom interest groups and several more from WebMD updates.
so you would think i'd seen just about everything until today...i got a list which celebrated the invention of BRAILLE FORTUNE COOKIES,no really (see above for my idea of some inserts) and complained or shrugged off the burgeoning tide of gimp & geezer porn.SIGH we are teetering on a Recession>Depression and our services are quickly withering away in the name of REFORM and this is what they waste three quarters of a post on?

W appointed a raft of anti ADA judges, including on the Supreme Court.why is no one writing about this? how many crips are homeless because of foreclosures??? how many rehab centers in Califronia are closing due to budget cuts? how many Speical Ed teachers are now unemployed?
fortunes cookies & porn, Lawd have Mercy!

the BBC channel ahs been running a series of sex oriented plastic surgery/self image docs of late. the most recent was PERFECT PRIVATE PARTS about "saggy" labia (mudflaps & beef curtains). now i know anorexics and bulemics have sone type of dismorphic (sic?) body image and so do transsexuals but to see a pretty 15 year old (yes 15!) get her labia snipped and endure three months of bleeding & extreme pain 'so i can look like everyone else down there'.the worst part of this was her oldest sister was the one ragging on her about her freakish labia and telling all her male friends! head case!!! an older housewife had come to the same conclusion after watching porn with her husband and looking at stroke magazines.even the pretty female dcoumentarian was complaining about post child bearing 'droop'.(they also commented that SEX IN THE CITY had popularized the Barbie smooth Brazialian wax.>OUCH OUCH OUCH!)

okay okay i have seen a LOT of naked women,both hairy & smooth ~magazines,online sites,nude beaches,nudist spas,peepshows,stage shows, love ins etc etc.to say one labia configuration is PRETTIER THAN ANOTHER IS JUST STUPID! have they run out of Botox,face lifts,boob jobs, liposuction,tummy tucks,ass and calf implants? sometimes its hard to tell Beauty from Torture,here lady put these bags of bulgy poison in your chest so stupid men will like you? (Pam Anderson & her ilk) in the Victorian Era women had ribs removed to better fit in corsets.i read recently that some uber stylish fashionistas in LA were having bones in their feet removed to better fit in those pricey SEX IN THE CITY shoes! (even Condi Rice & John McCain wear Ferragamo) where will it end? BARBIE BARBIE UBER ALLES??? "plastic fantastic lovers?"

in other news,
go to YAHOO GROUPS to join your own crip lists.much of it is dreck & whining but there are nuggets of things u will never read in your newspaper.see FRIDA blog for links too.

"Politics is merely the decoy of perception." Micheal Parenti

semper grumpy


"Life is a zoo in a jungle." Peter De Vries

aloha again, it's the middle of the night again and i think i have a point to make.

where to begin?
saw BABY MAMA on pay cable over the weekend (Tina Fey & Amy Pohler deserve a better movie!) in which a professional woman (upper class) hires a surrogate mother ("white trash" lower class) who is dishonest,loud,booze guzzling and junk food addicted.i was mostly offended by this movie,as was SM,we rarely agree on movie choices but this time we did. SM often reminds me that white trash is the only minority you can insult with impunity (see Jay Leno).so i was all set to write an angry self rightous screed about it being sexist,anti woman, cruel & unfunny,lame & predictable yada yada yada.then a funny thing happened, i let it soak in before limping to my keyboard-oh boy!

first of all BLACK SNAKE MOAN altho imperfect is a better,more humane representation of the working poor, as it most anything on IFC or Sundance channels.secondly i remember a petite young druggie blonde i picked up in The Misson while driving cab.she was drunk on schnappes and still sipping in mid afternoon as i drove her to a local hospital.she confessed blandly to taking LSD all thru a recent pregnancy and even tripping on LSD when her water broke and they rushed her to the hospital NOT COOL! thirdly i remember some of my paternal relatives,black uneducated sharecroppers who came to NYC to do...God knows what.
my Aunt Bessie was a crying profane drunk who slept around.she once pressed a superhot steam iron against her husband's face as he slept because he was screwing her three daughters too, jealousy? every Xmas it became an unwanted tradition for Bessie to come over drunk and fall into the Xmas tree destroying lites and gifts,Bessie was a large woman like my mother.she had a thinner prettier sister Jennybelle ( i am not making this up) who was 'seddity' (i.e. fronting,putting on airs of education and breeding) JB also slept around looking for Mr.Right, she had a moody son who was college educated and spent his time in Greenwich Village screwing white girls who used him to blackmail money from their parents before dumping him.
Barb was one of Bessie's daughters who used to eat razor blades (!) and glass to keep from being molested, she cultivated a crazy image but was actually rather sweet.she used to visit to read my comic books and tell me who she was screwing , she was maybe 3-4 years older than i. Barb would have three bastard children by a fertile Puerto Rican gangster, she named them Puddin & Peaches (girls) and Papo.i went to visit her several times at the tenement she lived in...there were dirty diapers and feces of all kinds on the stairs, the tenants threw their trash out in the window into the central airwell instead of paying for trash pickup. Barb's tiny apartment was a study in chaos and happy dirty children.many in this tenement were the PR equivalent of white trash,Barb's moody brother in law killed people for the gang her Baby Daddy ran,or so it was said.

i was trying to make a point?
i have been to school in NYC,North Carolina (expelled),Texas and California. the education i got in Texas equipped me to knock up some local and get a job pushing a shovel or broom for a lifetime. in the 60s i worked at a minimum wage job until the wage went up and my paid hours went down. people there drink too much,drive too fast and lead dark dreary lives,including my maternal aunt who is a cold hearted multi millionaire.

my aunt, yes that's it.
old black people have a joke about The Great Depression "Depression,what Depressinon? we always bin poor!" my mother ( born 1925) and her siblings grew up barefoot on a horse farm outside Austin, her father was a blacksmith and dog racer.they were so poor her youngest brother wore hand me down dresses.
parental authority was brutal and schooling negligent , the children often ate 'dogbread' cheap cornbread with syrup just as her fathers prized dogs did,yet my mother went back to college after @36 years to become a Special Ed teacher and her sister,who had 11 children by four legal husbands, now lives in the richest part of a gated San Antonio enclave.when my mother died my Aunt chided her for dying just as she was closing in on another million dollar deal, no really! then she stole hundreds of dollars collected by my ex brothers college friends and when caught rationalized that we were both deadbeats & would probably never pay her back....

so white trash stereotypes can be both true and false.
class warfare against the poor & defeated,like Aunt Bessie, or a challenge to the ruthless like my other Aunt.the only trouble is the people mocking 'white trash' have all the cards ($$$) like the joke about W 'someone who was born on third base and thot he hit a triple'. there is naked constant class warfare in the USA, sacrosanct contracts for AIG white collar crooks and fragile whittled down
union contracts for Detroit blue collar workers,same difference right?

i hope this lights a small fire of humanity in all who read this next time you read about Mountain Top Removal,coal miners dying anywhere,sore footed waitresses,teachers, pink collar workers amidst the rise of tent cities for the foreclosed here in opulent decadent America. what does Gore Vidal call us ? THE UNITED STATES OF AMNESIA.write on!
"It is not from top to bottom that societies die;it is from bottom to top."
Henry George

in other news,
on HOUSE one of the doctors is an apparent suicide (no, not the lovely 13) and they used the plotline to advice people with suicidal thots to contact NAMI.ORG. (National Assocation of Mental Illness?)
MHCAN here in Santa Cruz, this group has good peeps who offer peer counseling and life skills training.i badgered my bipolar son into attending but he soon quit when 'somebody looked at me funny'.HUGE SIGH.

semper grumpy

Sunday, April 5, 2009


"A people beset by plague,living out the twilight of a corrupt and foundering empire, we are in desperate need of spiritual consolation." SF Chronicle headline @1988

aloha again,
i think the Male Ego should be declared a legal disability.
women and blacks know that MOST MEN ARE HIGH MANTAINENCE (esp.some White Men).

i have examples....
1.my BFF of the taxi years( 1976-1981) was Breck. i loved this guy.when i moved he was the only one who showed up to help. i almost got into a gunfight in a pimp bar (we didn't know,we were just beer thirsty) so literally would've taken a bullet for this gun (luckily we were both armed too).so he split with his GF when she began making more money than he and his boners disappeared.i was at his home consoling him and looking at his bookcase.now he had two degrees is Psych so i was not too surprised to see THE ORIGIN OF CONSCIOUSNESS IN THE BREAKDOWN OF THE BICAMERAL MIND by Julian Jaynes. now this was a densely written tome, a thousand plus pages of collegespeak and theories.
so i mentioned it and Breck railed that it was 'impossible to read & unfathomable'.i innocently noted that it had taken me a year to read,off & on, and gave a synopsis of what i thot Jaynes was getting at.
BIG MISTAKE. my naive remarked ended our friendship,not ASAP but i saw it getting colder.
2.when Army girl got raped i called on my other BFF and taxi driver Bill,also my next door nabe, to sit in the dark sipping wine while i played sad music and cried.now Bill was a popluar local poet who wrote about how sensitive he was to everything. a lie, thus ended our friendship too.
3.at SF State there was one class i was looking forward to,Prof N.i had read several of his books and agreed with the world that HE WAS BRILLIANT! okay so i get into his class and mildly disagreed with the context of one of his exam questions and he froze me out. a leggy blonde girl in a very short skirt,obviously clueless, got called on if only the two of us had our hands up.a tattooed dyke in the back row cued me to the Facts of Life.young girls,festoon the front row in short skirts usually sans panties & get the As everybody else is a B.i tested this hypothesis and it seemed to be valid then i moved my seat so i could stare out the window during the dry lectures and took my B like a man.
4.my NYC GF Jo was 23 years older than i and never had an orgasm, yes she'd been faking it since her teens 'you know how men are' says she. she truly believed that the Female Orgasm was male propaganda until....she stopped breathing and was still. my thots "Oh sh*t,i've killed her! how am i going to explain this to the cops???" le petit mort,now i know why the French call it 'the lil death'. i made her happy awhile ,despite her anuerism scars and failing memory,then i left,back to California.
5.my NYC>Calif GF "A" was over six feet tall and i was puzzled one day in 1971 when she asked my permission (!) to wear heels.seems her other men refused to go out if she was taller than them,quelle horror? her long fantastic legs looked great in heels and that day i began watching tall women in heels with their men. TOM-KAT?
6.before i married My Ex she was married to The Manchild, who threatened one night to throw all her clothes into the street if she didn't come home ASAP from a sleepover at our hotel's Grand Opening,a woman died there the same day just to make it more interesting.he was convinced we were having a orgy! based on what besides his imagination?
7.i have talked to men who felt they had 'permission to cheat' once their wives had children and they no longer felt like the center of the universe. Korak the Killer was of this camp, with both his wives.he also found that a few routine slaps after an argument made for good foreplay,unfortunately his psychic Catholic wife agreed.i could hear them quite clearly thru my kitchen wall then both later told me their versions of reality.when My EX and i worked together we also had KTK and Bev to contend with. Bev was pretty,smart,coked up,biracial and loud, she always wore a c thru bra and pantyhose withou panties expsoing her huge bush.she routinely paraded around the office like this while KTK and i were trying to organize the graveyard shift.she was trying to seduce me but i pawned her off on KTK , who had no objections, and they had a short torrid half assed affair.no guilt either way apparently.
8. i wish that i could say most disabled men i have met in the last 15 plus years were better,i can't...

9...Soul Mate has teased me about writing this blog and i protested that examples of Testoserone Poisoning in my own life were too many to mention.it might be thicker than Jaynes's book, you out there can keep score okay?

in other news,
Foster Anderson & Shared Adventures put out an ACCESS SANTA CRUZ booklet (gratis, they have it online too) which makes it easier for crips to navigate Santa Cruz. they also put on DAY ON THE BEACH with hundreds of volunteers which takes crips kayaking,surfing,sailing and so on. like their Day at the Airport takes crip kids flying over Watsonville. they do good work,check it out.

semper grumpy

Friday, April 3, 2009


"An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex." Aldous Huxley

aloha again.

LiLo vs.Zeke
Lindsey Lohan & Brittany get all the ink but there is also grassroots collateral damage.i don't know what triggered this,maybe seeing DR.DREW PINSKY talk about his Celebrity Rehab TV show,maybe not...he said Rehab is not a band aid, it takes some people five or more times to quell the demons that drive them.
it was the 80s,i forget where i met him,Zeke a tall blond guy already balding in his mid twenties.crack had laid him low but he had plans for coming back strong...he slept at my place a few days and when he left stole some of my clean socks, i don't begrduge him for that but he left behind his own malodorous stiff with stink and dirt ones which i trashed. later i went to a talent show he'd arranged at a hotel full of bike messengers,which he had become,where nobody of either sex seemed to believe in deoderant.he displayed a very modest talent on blues steel guitar.less than a year later i was clipping out his obit from the SF Chronicle and pasting it in my journals.

she was an ordinary girl,lets call her Cindy,nothing special and a bit dim but an adequate cocktail waitress.now in the 15 years i worked in swank hotels and Moscone Center the Hospitality Industry was awash in sex,drink and drugs (mostly coke & crack).i heard about her too late,belatedly i heard reports of her wandering around naked in front of appreciative pinoy janitors.like Zeke crack had cost her everything except the clothes on her back,soon she was sleeping around just to get a bed for the night,then she got fired and became a homeless crack whore...i never saw an obit.maybe she got clean and went home??? anything is possible,right?

Secty. Hillary has admiitted that Amercian Addictions fuel the cartels narco wars and the near collapse of Mexico. Nixon had a drug report done in the 70s which said the War on Drugs concept was the LEAST EFFECTIVE (but most flashy & racist?) REHAB WAS THE BEST ANSWER TO DRUGS. guess which path Nixon chose? the so called DRUG CZAR does what exactly? drugs are cheaper and stronger than ever and the cartels richer.recently BBC News showed some druglord arrested in Mexcio with $220 MILLION in cash,concealed in a secret room. an estimated ONE BILLION A MONTH changes hands over drugs,Christ!

where was i going with this?
my friend G Man got off booze & dope and is still clean. my son Z Man got his AA one year chip before his accident,i am SO PROUD OF HIM.sniff sniff.

in the 70s i ran with a wet crowd, i tried to match them drink for drink. i was a fool. i blacked out twice that i know of. once in Sausalito where i was drinking with my German friend Peter, he wanted to drive my car home but i insisted. i remember getting him into the car and climbing behind the wheel,next thing i know i'm on Page Street in my own driveway.toll plaza? dead pedestrians? what in Hell? scared the crap outta me! a few years later, a less wet crowd, i was driving two gays from Divis to Polk somewhere down Geary, i lost about two miles, i looked around to see them both chatting calmly in the back seat. i turned in the cab ASAP and didn't drink again for six years.

NADA not a drop.
i am a less than moderate drinker today, sake and the rare beer. alcoholism doesn't run in my family, it sits and squats like a festering ogre in the middle of the road.it killed my dad and its dire results almost killed my oldest son. i credit martial arts discipline with saving my life.i have seen and done things in martial arts which even now i find hard to believe,most of what is taught is not written down...some things can change your life for the better,healthy addictions if you will. do i miss LSD & heavy boozing? i have the Elmer Gantry (GREAT MOVIE) quote somewhere about 'when i became a man, i put away childish things'.Amen.

in other news,
the Senile reports that Social Security will be frozen the next 3-4 years due to the Recession/Wall Street Meltdown.where's my Bailout?
the rich get richer & the poor get screwed, thus is life (casino capitalism).

semper gumby

Thursday, April 2, 2009


"One's destination is never a place,but a new way of seeing things."
Henry Miller

aloha again, you may have noticed that i added PAGANI to my blog list,like what does art have to do with disability.(see MY LEFT FOOT movie and others).

now i am a mediasponge,when i am out of bed the radio,TV or PC is usually on. i've have been that way for ages.so one might imagine my frustration when after a ten day waking diabetic coma (ketoacidosis sp?) i was trapped alone with the medical monitors of the Kaiser ICU and the boring rooftop antics of the mall across McArthur.i had time to rethink my various roles as husband (my marriage was over for many many reasons plus My Ex2Be had already attached her fickle affections to another man,poor schub),father,drone worker bee,artist and man.
now i have been an artist since before i wore glasses,maybe 3 or 4,and i was confronted with the fact that this was the concern uppermost in my mind.
despite how selfish this seemed it was true.now when i 'commit art' or 'listen to the muse' my bodily pain fades away,it's like my brain doesn't have room enough for both creativity and misery.y'know? when i was courting Soul Mate,even after we'd moved in together, i created haiku for her,brought her purple flowers,drew her sweet cartoons and on our first anniversary painted a portrait of us in Paris (my Ex never got paintings as she was a painter/toonist too...). i have had simplify some artwork due to loss of fine motor control,diabetic neuropathy and increasing tremors but it has become my new style,IMHO almost classic Japanese in it's simplicity.

in other news,
Comedy Central showed a comic with CP,Josh Blue.he was funny with a zesty sense of irony.check it out when they repeat it.

semper gumby

17 to LIFE A

"When you're going thru Hell,keep going." Walt Disney
good advice and life guidance.

aloha again,
Soul Mate was concerned that yesterdays blog was a lil too flippant.
lemme splain...
BTW the eye surgery went well.

before Craigslist, there were newspaper Romance/Sex ads aplenty.the SF Chronicle refused the usage of 'smartass' and demanded a family friendly synonym,i had none. after months of honing ads and getting dud replies (the ads were free & concise,usually 35-50 words) i had found the defining term of mutual recognition,so i dropped the Chronicle ad and focused on the EAST BAY EXPRESS (formerly a blue collar weekly now tarted up under new owners) now it so happened Soul Mate was also running an ad in the same paper but had included a term which i decided was less than cuddle-friendly,so she didn't make the five i called back each week. so she called me.because people had been chiding her as a smartass for years and she was up for the challenge.the first time we talked it was for five hours, i took notes. the next day our schedules were in sync so we met face to face, talked another five hours,kissed (with a female photog crouched behind a tree watching us,she thot we were a photogenic cpl) then SM ran off to a nite class.

so when we talked i flooded SM with information,
overwhemled her with my flaws and misdeeds.
so she asked
'Why are you telling me all this?' me 'so in ten years you won't be saying i kept anything from you.' she thot me a bit arrogant. SM 'what makes you think we'll be together in Ten Years???' me,confident.'you'll see.' like a key in a lock we fit together.it made all our troubles easier and there were LOTS OF TROUBLES AHEAD.that was 17 years ago yesterday and it's still Sweet!

a bit of irony,
when i was still married to My Ex she took a belly dance class and met SM who was in the same class,My Ex reported 'i met a girl in class tonight,i think you'd like her,' indeed but it took a divorce,Kaiser ICU near death experience and years to find her...

in other news,
i will be adding liks to PAGANI's Profile and blogs ASAP am still a bit woozy from eye drops.

semper gumbo

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

17 to LIFE

aloha again,
SOUL MATE & i celebrate 17 years together today (dating from our first kiss).
17 years filled with illness,misery,angry/crazy nabes, poor health,chasing doctors and diagnosies,chronic pain,suicidal thots,night sweats,poverty,moving frequently and lost friends due to disinterest or death.
we celebrate tonite by... going to get me laser eye surgery.(ha ha)
so it goes.
find some LOVE it really really helps.
more next time...

semper gumby