THE JOHARI WINDOW

"He who despairs over an event is a coward,but he who holds hope for the human condition is a fool." Albert Camus,cynic



aloha again,
in other news;

just reading PAUL KRUGMAN again and his commentary on O BAMA MAN seeking and compromising for BIPARTISAN CONSENSUS where none exist.the latest victim may be Universal Healthcare (sic) THE PUBLIC OPTION. SIGH. 47 millinon Uninsured and @25 million Under Insured.

speaking of options Rep.John BONER (sic) is raving about the Climate Change Bill hurting SMALL BUSINESS.why do GOP FAT CATS always rationalize their soul killing plutocratic policys by invoking the Mom & Pop stores? the only time they patronize small business is when they patronize motels or whores to cheat on their wives.FAMILY VALUES MY FAT BLACK ASS!


JOHARI WINDOWS?
most of you are probably wondering what the Title today means. when i got my useless degree in Psych at SF State in the 80s one of the concepts i found sweetest was THE JOHARI WINDOW,named after is founder i presume. it's a series of 4 sometimes overlapping boxes which represent aspects of our personalities.one medium size box represents the image we project and what we think of ourselves,a larger box represents what others think of us (e.g. you may think you're the Son of God but everybody else thinks you're an assh*le!), another smaller box represnts who you really are and a fourth tiny box represents the subsconscious or something (gimme a break it's been almost 30 years since i read thus stuff).

why is this releveant?
see blog about my X BFF KIM...

ready now?
when KORAK THE KILLER was dating then living with Kim it was the culmination of a series of events.a short recap of the man MY EX (*) calls My First Wife...born in Okla, raised in Southern California as a Catholic, father routinely molest/incested his sister while his mother pretended not to notice,father often beat him brutally with bricks and 2x4s,went to Viet Nam as a Marine and served near Khe Sanh, FREE FIRE ZONE meant you could kill anything that moved & he did and LOVED IT. did multiple tours of Nam,did 11 years in the Marines before being kicked out, did covert ops while living in the Phillipines with his second wife (never divorced the one in L.A. with his biological son) escorted Boat People from the Mekong Delta to safety,protected American assests 'outside the wire' then returned to USA when he ran out of money,saved money to bring his adored older P.I. wife and adopted son (whom he bought for a bottle of hooch from a whore) then he met me while we worked at a Union Square area (downtown SF) classy hotel, then he moved in with me for about five years until i loaned him (?) a thousand to move his family out.

BACKSTORY 2
in the early 80s the SF Chroncile did a long piece or two on GUNTHER KAUSEN (sp?) a German national who also happened to be the biggest slumlord in the Tendelrloin area of SF (where me and Korak lived), he also held this title in several cities in Germany and i think London.now Kausen had sprung from obscurity to mega wealth and was reputed to be a bagman for the Russian Mob and the fact that he returned from the US to Europe with satchels full of cash added weight to the money laundry rumors.oddly enuff i had met Kausen, a small wiry balding man who always dressed in dark shabby clothes which looked secondhand, the shabby slumlord stayed at the classy hotel i worked at!

BACK TO KORAK
anyway, something really bad happened and Kausen was instructed by the City Fathers to beef up Security at his slums,which he did. Korak, jobless at the time,apllied for a job and wound up being hired as HEAD OF SECURITY (still he never paid me back,granted his P.I. wife was a spendthrift and wannabe fashion maven).so Korak being Korak he stocked his crew with Nam vets (some of whom were crackheads and bullies,i had worked with their demented PTSD bragging asses)) and needy single mothers. now Korak had ,despite rumors, always claimed he was faithful to his PI wife while she was overseas and then here.but i had ears on the ground and so did his wifey. Korak seemed to specialize in Horizontal Recruitment (his motto CAN'T GET DOWN IF THE LADY AIN'T BROWN!) and one of his chief office assistants was a tall striking black woman. so now Korak lived and worked in the Tenderloin all within range of his wifey and her many pinoy relatives...SIGH.
his wife made many a scene at his nearby office based on what she heard but he didn't stop. now Kim had met Korak many times since he was always at my apartment even after he moved next door, Korak had a brand of Alpha Male animal magnetism that most females found irresistable, so i guess it was inevitable that they hook up one day -after she had slept with everybody else i worked with.

now in Germany the Heat from several countries was closing in on Kausen based on tax evasion or money laundering and he was given a choice by the Russian Mob presumably to either kill himself and save his family or...
so Kausen committed suicide and Korak and his crew were out of a job.
Korak moved in with Kim after his wifey had confronted me about him staying out all hours, Korak had told her that we were at a SoMa (South of Market) club stuffing dollar bills into the G strings of go go boys!!! WTF??? altho an infrequent patron of cheaper strip clubs i was unemployed at the time and this was not an option for either male or female dancers.
so i told her the truth and my deep friendship with Korak began to unravel. now Korak was abusive physically to his wifey ( i heard them thru the thin walls) and she was likewise emotionally abusive in return,wifey had often comnplained about this situation in graphic detail (including the hot Make Up sex) to Kim and expressed disbelief to me that Kim would take Korak in,knowing what she knew.

we all have our demons...as Paul Harvey would say SO NOW YOU KNOW THE REST OF THE STORY. {as usual the names are false but the details are the TRUTH as i see it.Welcome to my Johari Windows...}

i was also going to include a website for Medicare rights ,next time.

namaste
semper gumbo
mega

JACKO DIES

on Karma;
"If we are all destined to learn from our mistakes then this must be the wisest planet in several universes." Ho Chi Zen (nose koans)

R.I.P. MICHEAL JACKSON 1958-2009
abused child progidy,musical genius,singer/dancer, skin changeling,pain pill popper,plastic surgery junkie,alcoholic,anorexic,(alleged) pedophile,bankrupt recluse.

SNARK ALERT
wonder how long it'll take the morticians to make him look vaguley human again?

in other news,
Farrah Facvett 62
Ed McMahon 86
yes, i too have the Thriller album.

STONEWALL RIOTS NYC PLUS 40 Years! Yea Gays!!!!


namaste
semper grumpy
mega

MY X BFF KIM

"Maybe this world is another planet's hell." Aldous Huxley

aloha again,
no Screeds or Snark today. did 5 hours of half sleep with my C PAP machine last nite and the snake oil promises of renewed glory,vigor, mental clarity,sexual potency and nirvana have yet to materialize.maybe if i were into Bondage the head harness contraption and breathing tube would be more comfortable...or uncomfortable??

X BFF KIM
i am Pro Choice and once had the opportunity to put my money where my mouth is.let me explain.. when i was in school while working full time in the 80s i had socked away about $4000. the plan was to take a month or two off and tour Europe after i graduated, a present to myself. Problem, the Dims decided to hold their convention in SF and all vacations were cancelled.SIGH.

now Kim had had become my BFF while dating my nabe Bill V. Kim was very intelligent,immature,inexperienced and volatile.unknown to me but she had decided i should be her 'friend with benefits'.even tho she was rich and bright i had long decided it would not be good for either of us,so it never happened...much to the chagrin of some of my male friends."ARE YOU CRAZY?! DA BITCH IS RICH!" whatever, i never let money be a deciding factor in who i had sex with, i am not a whore. besides Kim had a longtime chubby Somoan looking female BFF who was even richer, no sparks there either.
so Kim dropped out of UC when she discovers sex and dope,much to her mother's horror,at 2o she had never even dated now she had moved in with an older white man @ 30 to have sex and fun.(me and a gay friend tutored her on how to give great BJs) Bill V. had his limits emotionally and all his relationships eventually fizzled due to his inevitable lack of committment so Kim moved out after a year or so ( which was his average).Kim got a job at a Union Square downtown hotel, not the one i worked at,where she became a cocktail waitress.she soon moved in with three other waitresses and into a major cocaine habit, hotels were awash in sex and drugs during that era.i stuck with her during this time,when she lost her baby fat and became Hot, and her common sense induced her to move out solo.we used to hang out platonically, in fact MY EX (*) who was married to THE MANCHILD at the time,went to a party at her place...
anyway, KIm wound up working at the hotel where i worked and unconsciously or not wound up sleeping with most of the co workers i was friends with.this backfired on her. there was a very well hung blonde handsome french waiter who had the locker next to me,so i saw him naked often, and against my better judgment she took up with him.turns out he was married with children but 'separated' from his family and living in his van.the sex was great but snakebit by Bill V. she did not offer to let him move in. one night, they were smoking dope and drinking in his van out by Ocean Beach and he was horny but she was not...so her raped her in every available orifice then went back to his wife.
now Kim was allergic to every birth control pill at the time and did not have any protection with her...so of course she got Pregnant. now i had met her dragon of a mother, a rigid controlling pennypinching ominous bitch who hated me on sight-which probably made me more attractive in Kim's eyes. so when Kim told her mother she was pregnant GOOD, MAYBE THIS WILL TEACH YOU A LESSON!
what??? no money for an abortion so she could teach her wayward daughter a lesson??? Jesus H. F*cking Christ!
so Kim came to me crying and i listened,resisted the urge to say I TOLD YOU SO and wrote out a check.she was surprised, isn't that what friends are for?
so Kim got her abortion and eventually one more before she got control of her sex life.however before that happened she fell in lust with KORAK THE KILLER and he moved out from his family to live with her for a year before splitting to live with an older Japanese woman who owned a yacht and sailing off over the horizon...she took it well.
soon she went to Sacramento as manager of one of her mother's apartment buildings where she got in coke again then S&M as a submissive,dated an illiterate younger pool player then married a heavily tattoed ex speed freak biker who boasted of doing LSD with the MANSON FAMILY as a teenager, the Manson girls ran around naked at Spahn Ranch and he got caught peeking then invited in.of course the marriage was doomed from the start and eventually ended, last i saw she was working for a software start up in Berkeley, after i introduced her to Soul Mate...

i never got to Europe.
i loaned Korak a thousand to move his family out of my studio apartment & never got it back, spent the rest flying my Mother out to Los Angeles for a big family reunion. Kim repaid me when i was broke and out of work,perfect timing, this was before Sacto.we lost touch when me and SM moved first to Mendo then Santa Cruz.
nothing lasts forever...

in other news.
www.roughandtumble.com is a good source for watching the Titanic which KALI-fornia had become sink beneath the waves.the Spendthrift jellyfsh in Sacto can't even decide who to dump overboard first, HINT it won't be the Rich.

namaste
semper fidelis
mega

13 TRILLION USD

"For the love of money is the root of all evil." I Tim 6:10

aloha again.
in other news,
Micheal Douglas has announced that they are maiing a sequel to the hit WALL STREET. "Greed is good!"

GREED IS BAD
as i have mentioned before Gov.Assh*le is willing to throw women and children, the frail sick and elderly under the bus so that his ruling class doesn't have to yield one gold plated dessert spoon to keep this state afloat.the Gov PROMISES TO VETO ANY TAX INCREASE AND DEMANDS DEADLY CUTS INSTEAD.Sigh.
one of his ilk,Senator DiFi (Dim Plutocrat -Calif) was on the Sunday punditry gabfests spewing that maybe the Dims in the Senate couldn't pass BAMA MAN'S healthcare reform esp. the Public Option. the Dims just didn't have the votes.

oddly enough the New York Times, an incosequnetial rag, published a survey claiming that 72% of americans wanted the Public Option to keep the opulent unscrupulous insurance oligarchies honest,among registered democrats the number was 87% ! so if the Dims jellyfish in the Senate can't get their fleshy tentacles around the Public Option then...it seems like they are deep in the anus if the Insurance Lobby maybe???

one of the anti Public Option arguements if that it'll cost too much. $1.6 trillion is the Comgressional Budget Office estimate, that is if we don't eradicate the pestulent insurance infestation completlely.TOO EXPENSIVE EH?

while we all had our panties in a twist about the AIG billions bailout the FEDERAL RESERVE (which is run by banks) quietly gave $13 TRILLION, yes TRILLION to undisclosed banks to keep them afloat. LIPSTICK ON A PIG ANYONE?
gee, what could $13 trillion buy?
1.it could pay off all the mortgages in the US.
2.plus it could give tons of goodies to Single Payer.
3.it could pay the college expenses of everyone would wanted to go, including grad schools.
4.it could insure that children in the US never go hungry again.

No, let's give it to the anonymous Super Rich. they'll put it to better use,no really.look how much they've done for us over the last eight years....think it was Warren Buffet who said "The class war is over and my side won." bless his honesty.check it out, as the prescient cartoon said THE AMERICAH HEALTH CARE POLICY IS "DON'T GET SICK!" too late...i read waaaay too much news.

namaste
semper grumpy
mega

INSOMNIA AND IRAN

"The optimist thinks that this is the best of all possible worlds,and the pessimist knows it." J.Robert Oppenheimer

aloha again,
got my C PAP machine with a softer nose plug attachment.Big Whoop, still can't sleep normally. at least my PCP warned me about this last week.saw a lot of white lab coats last week...still feel like crap.

R.I.P NEDA IRAN MARTYR
i have an odd reaction to CNN's wall to wall Iran saturation coverage over the weekend.NOSTALGIA...i remember when americans had a cause worth dying for. i was a 60s anti war radical in LA .my phone was tapped and the LAPD Red Squad had many of us targeted for whatever their febrile minds could imagine.one example,Donald Freed and Shirley Sutherland (the actor Donald's ex) lived in Venice and were the sweetest people you would ever want to meet. they were peaceniks & anti wars antivists who were framed and bankrupted defending themselves against trumped up GUNRUNNIG CHARGES.i knew them moderately well as i was shepherding the COALITION AGAINST REPRESSION at the time.

someone i didn't know,Geromino Pratt a decorated viertnam vet turned Black Panther, spent over twenty years in solitary over some FBI CONTELPRO Bullsh*t. the FBI and locals had agents everywhere, even our tiny non violent group has disruptive agitators would spouted violent rhetoric when not trying to cripple any positive action.SIGH.

lost my job and was run outta town for my efforts, all for naught? learned recently that Nixon had to scrub plans to NUKE SOUTHEAST ASIA because of numerous anti war protests. OH WOW! we saved american and asian lives by our febble protests.I AM SO PLEASED.

now elections are routinely stolen, neocon conspiracies steal billions in unmarked bills in Iraq and squander billions more doing God only knows what. OBAMA MESSIAH whom NPR this morning labelled 'A PRAGMATIC CENTRIST',like it was something to be proud of, as the Public Option is being slowly bled to death on the polished marble floors of DC (Direct Contributions!) IT IS TO WEEP. Big Phamra has pledged to extort $80 billions less over the next decade from poor seniors,even my colorful vocabulary cannot find an obscentity powerful enough to describe how i feel. we live in a kleptocracy, run by the craven and posturing fools we 'elect'.OMG was it HL Mencken who said 'people get the goverment they deserve'?

in other news,
the weather outside has a promise of being Clear Sunny and 82 degress. that's okay, i have my own dark clouds to blot out the sun.BTW H.A.ND. i have other plans.

namaste
semper grumpus
mega

FATHERS DAY

"You can't scare me,i have children!" HA HA one of my fave bumperstickers of all time.

aloha again,got a fresh stab wound in my arm from the blood lab this morning and i'm feeling like crap so i thot i'd dash off a few words.

FATHERS DAY
one of those bastard half holidays that nobody pays any real attention to. what other holiday is celibrated by giving a decorative noose to your sire?

WORDS & MEMORIES
my first memory was listening to my parents having raucous sex in the one room hovel they rented before we got in the Projects.
my second memory,same hovel, was trying to pet a rat i thot was a kitty...

my first words,
i was slow to talk. they thot something was wrong with me (they were right), i was about two and playing with my toys under the coffee table in the living room. i got up and walked to the bedroom where my mother was ironing in the doorway. i pointed to the light bulb and said clearly and distinctly.SEE LIGHT!
my mother was shocked but managed to reply YES BABY, I SEE THE LIGHT.mission accomplished i went back to playing with my toys and i haven't shut up since.

when my eldest son Z MAN was a toddler, the family was at BAKER BEACH (textile/nude & federal with a splendid view of the Golden Gate Bridge), he must've been about one since my youngest was there too.a tanker went by heading toward Oakland, it had Toyota painted along both sides. Z Boy pointed to it and said TOYOTA quite clearly. we were shocked as it was his first words,as i recall.backstory, we had a toyota pick up at the time with the logo across the tailgate
my youngest, i think his first word was CHOCOLATE which Z Boy had introduced him to. we have a great picture i took of my youngest looking puzzled with chocolate smeared all over his face. he must've thot there was nothing good in this world until then....maybe still does.

in other news,
it's supposed to be about 73 today as opposed to 78 yesterday. my firomyalgia trigger points are running amok with all these barometer changes.i'm eating some choclate now and going back to bed. aloha.
happy (?) Fathers Daye.

namaste
semper gabby
mega
.

NEKKID PLUS TAXI

"The place where optimism flourishes most is the lunatic asylum." Havelock Ellis... and San Francsico???

aloha again,
Soul Mate is reading Bruce Anderson's THE MENDOCINO PAPERS Vol.1 (nee Anderson Valley Advertiser paper). he drove a taxi in San Francisco in the 60s, i drove from 1975 to 1980 until i was totally burnt out.

NEKKID IN SF
how could i forget the EXOTIC EROTIC BALL which was gaining steam and import the years i drove cab.but first...

AIRPORT TAXI LOT
Anderson mentioned the smart guys and smart asses who congregated in the outdoor airport Taxi Lot in the old days. the roach coach was run by a stolid Chinese guy,forgot his name, and the food was cheap and plentiful.cab drivers are always loners,crazies,horndogs,freaks & geeks and even rrely a few scholars.
when i didn't wash out after the first month,like 90% of applicants,i sewed special pockets inside my driving jacket made from an old pair of jeans.on my left i had a 13 shot Browing Hi Power automatic and on my right was a double pocket,one for my leather truckers wallet and another for the 2 shot 22LR derringer i carried.on the seat against my thigh was a 5 D cell heavy steel flashlight called a Kel Lite,since declared illegal since this mace shaped goodie didn't just break bones it pulverized them.i had occasion to use everything in my arsenal at one time or another over those five years...never lethally that i know of.

back to nudity,
my company didn't allow women to drive nights for fear of rape or injury but others did. i met a short blonde female driver outside the Greyhound Station,usually a bad news taxi stand,who'd had a ride to Bolinas after midnight one night where she was robbed,stripped naked and lost her cab...leaving her to stumble naked from house to house in the bone chilling fog until somebody finally opened a door to her.the ride originated at Greyhound yet two days later she was back again,go figure.

there was a "Ms.Washington" a black transsexual who worked in my company whose purpose was to exercise her new vagina on/with as many people as possible.i was one of the few who declined.i mentioned her name one day at the taxi lot as two lanky lesbians were sunbathing atop their cabs in just rolled down panties,a practice the cops eventually put a stop to, later their cabal had routine sex shows in the back of their vehicles.not all women drivers are/were sluts but some ex whores would drift thru when they had too many tickets or whatever.plus more than once new whores would arrive at the airport dressed normal then strip naked in the back seat to change after asking me "where do the hos hang out and where do they stay". no problemo.

XOB
my first notice of the Exotic Erotic Ball, which moved around often in the early years,was the year they were at the Hilton. i had stopped there, a usually lukewarm taxi stand, to fill out my waybill when a beautiful blue woman in a sequined blue cape and tiara climbed in the front seat and wanted to be taken way across town to the Zoo.then she passed out and her flimsy cape fell open, aside from some blue body paint and some glitter on her nipples and pubes she was naked.i enjoyed the view with part of my brain but the other part asked WHERE'S THE MONEY? the c thru cape had no obvous pockets or seams and other than the tiara and high heels i could only guess where any money might be hiding. so i took her home and gingerly woke her up then...she peeled off a $20 bill taped to one instep and got out to greet her husband and child waiting at the door.WHEW!
another year the XOB was at Civic Auditorium, where i would work years later,two guys dressed as babies flagged me down-booties,diapers,bonnets & huge pacifiers.they wanted to go to LIL BIT MORE a noisy dyke bar near SF General & the Hostess Twinkie factory, that's when i realized these two 'guys' were indeed two very flat chested and drunk gay women.Wowsa.
later when i cruised by the XOB affairs i saw many people wearing little or nothing and a Clothes Check inside encouraged this. one time,when i was finshed driving cab, i took MY EX (*) who wore only a thin black cape,gloves and boots along with her many piercings and tattoos.she was Very Popular among the photog set.
another time me and Soul Mate went in hospital gowns with our bare butts hanging out, i got goosed by many flannel wearing lesbians,i sewed red flannel lungs and veins on hers and a rubber heart and fake urine bag on mine along with a fake cleaver labelled MEDICAL CUTS,this was true back in the 90s-still is.
there are probably other times but i don't recall them at the moment.

in other news,
i did indeed add More Links today,check it out.

namaste
semper gumby-ish
mega

FAVORITE SON

"At least you've always worked." my Mother expressing her infinite disappointment in me.

aloha again, still sorta down about Tick.

my youngest troubled son (Aspergers & bipolar) is pissed at me because he is not my favorite son (altho he is his mother's). i told him to imagine being an only child and not being the favorite.my EX BROTHER is 16 years younger than me, he was born the summer i graduated High School. he has always been my mother's favorite...as a result he is a sloppy,married,wife cheating HERPES DONOR who only cares about himself.i asked & begged for years to get the only pictures of my father and grandfathers but he was much too busy chasing tail until one day a pipe burst and ruined everything.

he only called when he needed something and when he visited us in Berkeley with his wife and met Soul Mate he was chatting up hotties and 15 years olds who actually listened.being honest with myself, one day i asked if i would put up with this sh*t from a non relative,after all i had kicked Korak the Killer to the curb for the same thing.i wrote NYC and informed him of my decision, his wife called up in tears begging me to reconsider. this is the same wife who has spies all over NYC to see who he's f*cking, she escaped an abusive marriage before him with her dignity and a girl child.some role model he was...

My Mother always blamed me 'for ruining her life',much as my youngest son blames me. when my father died i realized how disturbed my Mother was and that i was in no way responsible for her unhappiness.that was the beginning of my ACA adulthood (Adult Children of Alcoholics).

i had a point i was going to make...ah, maybe i was Lucky not being my Mother's favorite after seeing how badly my Ex Brother turned out.i learned to think on my feet and survive just about anything.i once gave up sex for five years because i sucked at relationships, the sex was Great but the heartbreak and suffering wasn't ( i still had Zen,movies,porno and live erotic theatre). i suppose my Mother expected me to die in prison or in a drive by, people with some degree of Self Awareness can change, something my Mother never recognized in herself or others.

in other news,
yes i still haven't posted new links on the blog page.maybe later this week.

namaste
semper gumby
mega

NEKKID DAZE

"If the wrorld were a logical place, men would ride side saddle."
Rita Mae Brown

aloha again,just random spew this time.

NYC IS MUGGY
as previously noted,i grew up around naked and half naked black moms in Harlem. not being prone to privacy amidst poverty when they had privacy,despite being Chrisitans,they did not use it.my large mother was naked about 90% of the time when we were alone.NYC in summer is hot,muggy & dreadful. humidity of 99% is not uncommon.i have slept and lounged nude since puberty,still do. despite all this i was never naked in public just in private.

NUDE BEACHED
my first public nude beach was in 1971 in Northern California.
now most men i have mentioned this too say I COULD NEVER DO THAT! why? embarassing erections,like in High School.GENTS,NOBODY GIVES A F*CK (except a few gay guys maybe.) my then LTR GF stripped like it was nothing,after living nude in the caves of Crete for a year.being a man i had to MAN UP and i grew to like it.

SEEN NAKED
before being my BFF,Korean American female KIM @20 had moved in with my then BFF and next door nabe WM Bill V.one day i dropped by and Kim ,unawares, came out of the bathroom naked, yelped and ran back in for a sheltering towel. no biggie to me but Kim had body issues aplenty,plus some baby fat still, she was grateful for years that i had seen her naked and still wanted to be her friend.SIGH.she saw me naked at Limontour Beach when we were double dating,me with Wolf Girl & she with Bill V but that is another story.

RUINING OAKLAND?
me & MY EX (*) were both nudists/artists & into photgraphy.so when i saw a bus bench in downtown Oakland saying EXPOSE YOURSELF TO ART...it was about three ayem and the streets were deserted when i asked my MY EX (*) to lay on the bus bench benath the sign while i snapped a few photos. somebody drove by and yelled YOU'RE RUINING OAKLAND! Whaaaa?
at this time,late 1980s Oakland was neck and neck,bullet by bullet tied, with New Orleans for MURDER CAPITAL OF THE USA.a lill bit of unseen white flesh was going to Ruin Oakland? waaaay too late for that.

NYC BLIND DATE @1970
i have had several blind dates over the years, most of them have ended up in good sex whereas the bad ones have ended in mutual disdain.this one girl was picked up by someone i considered a friend , PITT THE PSYCHOTIC BUT BRILLIANT MONSTER, and we talked on the phone about meeting at Penn Station when she came in from Long Island.i was there at the appointed time,with a migraine, but she wasn't. after wasting two hours i went back home.no sooner did i get in the door but she called from Penn, i told her i had a migraine and to go back home. she replied that she couldn't because she'd taken the last train in. oh Goody.so i trudged back downtown and picked her up. we were supposed to go to a party in Brooklyn and stop along the way in the East Village to pick up some goodies from Acid Jack.

she was about six feet tall, my height, with long brown hair to her round ass and breasts a little larger than i liked but she was okay.so anyway we start talking as we walk across town towards the Village.she stops and says WAIT A SECOND,THIS BRA IS KILLING ME! and before i know it she has stepped into a very shallow doorway peeled off her shirt then bra exposing large melony breasts to the world.all this less than a block from an NYPD station,she doesn't even know me! she stops to scratch slowly as her bare breasts jiggle in the humid summer breeze, i am not aroused as visons of me being beaten to death then shot by some racist NYC cop dance thru my head (it happens still, the cop thing i mean).

WINTERLAND SF
i went to Bill Graham's Winterland theatre regularly when i was young,it's now condos or some such b*llshit,one Halloween they had a costume contest.one woman came out naked in high heels a smile and flag themed red white and blue pasted on sequins.she did not seem the least bit embarassed waltzing out in front of thousands of people.hours later i saw her,still naked,looking for the people who had her clothes and purse.C'est la vie.

FRISCO SKINS
the annual Bay to Breakers race in SF is known for it's nudity and drunkeness,whereas Carnival and the Gay Pride Parade are just happy nude fests, weather permitting. twice Soul Mate and i marched in the Gay Pride legions, i wore a huge blue cape,matching loincloth and white straw cowboy hat.i was a big hit with the Japanese tourists who followed me around taking many pictures (for reasons still unknown ???) one year she wore an Afro wig over her clothed crotch with a large sign saying BUSH STAY OUT OF MINE! we had fun, now i wear airy kilts to any gay parades we attend,nice.wish i had the courage to wear them all the time,maybe when i'm older...

BTW the ASA is American Sunbathing Association, there are competing national naturist organizations,God knows why.Germans promoted modern naturisim@ the 1900s i think and per photos the Europeans still seem more blase about nudity, both public & private, then we too often prudish americans.
anyway i'm back to the nudist internet,it's a slow day in Capitola.got to see more doctors next week so i am resting up.

namaste
semper skyclad
mega

NAILIN PALIN

"It is his life work to announce the obvious in terms of the scandalous." H.L.Mencken on GB Shaw

aloha again,
i am sure to step in it this time but that's never stopped me before...

PALIN-DRONE
i thot this phony controversy was over but it was one of the topics of the pundtiocracy this ayem so i guess it's not...first of all i agree with David Letterman that SARAH PALIN does look like "a slutty flight attendant"( with apologies to anyone who does not work at Hooters or Hustler air charters).
now i am not against female politocs and i do not think that having a vagina or ovaries disqualifies you for public office or anything else beyond writing your name in the snow! (humor there)

SARAH PLAIN offends me on so many levels. she also reminds me of that fired blonde Miss California idiot Carrie Preach-on (sic) the GOP (Grumpy Olde Patriarchs) concept of women is illustrated in their choice of a Red Meat Conservative to run with Grampy McCain (who called his rich thin blonde wife a c*unt & trollope).
1.SP is obvious eye candy despite her cold dead eyes (see Tina Fey).
2.SP is shallow and lies easily, good specs for a politico.
3.SP is ambitious beyond her abilties (see above).
4.SP is willing to exploit her own family for TV face time.
5.SP appeals to the basest instincts of her followers (Kill Him! about Obama Messiah at her rallies last year).
6.SP is praised by Rush Limbaugh (egads!)
7.SP is a warped role model for 1950s Barbie/June Cleaver babymakers housewifery.
8.SP has never sued anyone for alleging she had an affair with her husband's best friend and business partner.why not?
9.SP if she becomes President (shudder) the sale of sniper rifles to Progressives will shoot thru the roof.
10.SP is an insult to GOP women in that, even with a mere 25% of the electorate, SP is shown to be the best they can do. (double shudder)
i think that about covers it.

in other news,
went to the services of Paul Ticknor yesterday,it was a beautiful day after an early morning rain. it was billed as "a celebration of life" and it was. friends and family recounted tales of his dynamic life and there was laughter and tears.no preaching or piety and afterwards 100 plus people shared munchies and stories about TICK.this lead a lot of us battered crips there to reflect on our own services.
i guess mine will say 'he was a mouthy grumpy old bastard who didn't care whose feelings he hurt', this is sometimes true but not always. if a hundred people showed up for my service many would bring BBQ forks to prod the corpse to make sure i wasn't faking (which if why i prefer cremation).

i missed a C PAP appointment to make the celebration,TICK was worth it.SNIFFLES.
enuff bout me, how u guys doing???

namaste
semper grumpy (sometimes)
mega

P.S.for the perverse among you,Yes that is the name of the anti SP porno, versions of which i have glimpsed online.happy now?

CAPITOLA TODAY

"As you get older, the f*cking you get ain't worth the f*cking you take."
a Central Park sage circa 1970

aloha again, i realzie i have been remiss in not describing my new home town.
PAGANI ALERT
NO BAD NEWS TODAY!

CAPITOLA
founded as a resort community about the mid 1800s.it has expanded and is now roughly crescent shaped along the Pacific Ocean.20 minutes via surface streets south of the City of Santa Cruz (the Boardwalk,Steamer Lane-surfing & Pacifc Ave Mall-shopping) Capitola is ten thousand people,small enough that candidates still go door to door esp. since a few recent elections have been lost by 3 votes or less! to the north is the landmark CAPITOLA MALL (great for people and mall rat watching) on the coast opposite is PLEASURE POINT -former site of speakeasies,bordellos and topless bars. now just a site of year round surfing.here people surf all year long and wear flip flops and even shorts no matter what the weather or season.
down the road is the Mall is the historic and lovely SHADOWBROOK Resaturant founded in 1947, the year i was born, a great place to celebrate special occassions,graduations,wedding etc etc.great views & terraced stremside flower beds.belowthat the CAPITOLA ESPLANADE is the original city with a beach,pricey condos,cheap eats,toilets and shops.minor league surfing and great place to sun & people watch.up the hill aways is GAYLES BAKERY a real danger to your waistline. when we bought here people would always say IS IT NEAR GAYLES? IS IT NEAR THE MALL OR THE SHADOWBROOK? we had actually moved here before realizing the Ocean itself was within easy walking distance.nobody mentioned it,how Odd.
we like it here, not quite "Paradise" as most locals call it but it''ll do til the real one comes around/:D

SOURPUSSY
she was a co-worker of MY EX (*) some where, my first wife had a LOT of odd jobs.so Sourpussy started dropping by just to hang and be numb.she described herself as "an asexual bisexual" meaning virgin apparently. being nudists we hung out nude and she kept coming by.i was rude to her which she either tolerated or enjoyed,virgins can be strange.i dubbed her Sourpussy and it stuck.

so we'd watch TV and such at whatever hovel we were living in at the time. MY EX'S(*) professional nude photographer , and devoted fanboy, offered to do some tasteful nudes of her but she declined.i guess she wasn't bad looking despite her blonde butch haircut and gloomy hangdog expression.last i heard she had gone DEADHEAD & wore tie dye and seemed to be much happier.go figure.

that's about as far as i can go today without relating bad news so i'll sign off.

namaste
semper grumpy
mega

SLED DOGS AND SLUM DOORS

"The problem with being a sled dog is that unless you're the lead dog the view never changes." Robert Benchley,uttered in the Hope/Cosby film ROAD TO UTOPIA.

RIP PAUL TICHNOR,a friend and colleague...

aloha again,
talking (sic) to Pagani about national healthcare SIGH. HR 676 is the House Medicare For All bill, otherwise known as THE PUBLIC OPTION which Obama Messiah is snip snip snipping away at. writ or call your Congress drone PLS,i have.

NOW SOMETHING COMPLETLY DIFERENT
i watch THE UNUSUALS,a fogettable but pleasant TV show.last nite the vic was a nudist and his wife was a nudist and they had a nudist funeral.i must confess that at one time i was a card carrying nudist (which sounds absurd) i got the ASA magazine which paid for the lobbyist etc etc. i went to my first nude beach in 1971 with my first live in GF,did i mention her?

anyway,that's not the point.
listening to NPR this morning with fresh advice on fighting foreclosures.when MY EX (*) and i lived in Oakland and the kids were small we were evicted for non-payment of rent! except we had been paying as required,turns out or lndlord was CRACK HEAD and spent the rent money while telling the bank we were deadbeats, our receipts were deemed to be ONLY PAPER...(excuse the typos but the Google program today is qyirky)
so anyway we were given about two weeks to pack up our crap and move.RENTERS RIGHTS??? this was the 1980s, no such animal.

so that's NOT the fun part of the story.
we lived in a tewrrible but affordable slum, with cars being fixed on the street and about 26 Vietnamese living in the house next door,good people.so we were Plagued by Jehovahs Witnesses every weekend,sometimes Saturday and Sundays.now being nudists we entertained in the nude -Wolf Girl,Sourpussy assorted friends etc etc, we even had a nude reception on Muir Beach after our non nude wedding (people threatened not to come if it was fully nude BS they didn't come anyway).no back to the Witnesses, one day with the doorbell ringing constantly i asked MY EX (*) to answer the door AS IS (i.e.Naked) she did. she answered the door naked and invited them in to talk relgion,after the initial shock they ran like deer in a forest fire.so that became our routines, men she answered,women i did.JW always came by in same sex pairs,usuaully one older and one young.one young woman obviously wanted to come in and talk about Adam& Eve but her scowling partner pulled her away.this worked in the 1980s it still might.
my legs have been too shaky of late to do nude beaches,we were regulars at Baker & Muir and me and Soul Mate frequented clothing optional Harbin when we were younger.if you go try the WATSU Massage,SM declares it to be Heavenly.i, with my firbomyalgia,will pass.

i think the typing problem is from a new Microsoft Update, i had to cripple the last one which wouldn't let me access Google or any of my fave sites,crip & clothing optional &weirdness. i am going to add more links as energy and carpal tunnel permit,maybe after Paul's services on Saturday. we shall see.

namaste
semper Bardo
mega

FAILURE

"It never pays to kick a skunk." attributed to Cornelius Vanderbilt,tycoon

aloha again,
in other news.
in the 80s i worked fulltime,hotel graveyard shift, then went to school all day in San Francisco. i took two buses to get to either SF City College or SF State. one day i'm on the bus and a very pregnant young white woman gets on and sits in the seat opposite.another stop or two later a crazed foul mouthed white guy gets on and sits next to her then starts badmouthing her with some of the foulest language imaginable.we were all in the front bus seats just behind the driver. it was obvious she didn't know him and it soon became obvious that neither the bus driver or anyone else was going to do anything about this escalating confrontation...(see my Gandhi quote) so the next time the doors open i got up,grabbed the guy and tossed him on his ass out the open door.i got a tearfull heartfelt thanks from the pregnant woman and an equally heartfelt I'LL KILL YOU MOTHERF*CKER! from the ejectee. this is a moment i am still very proud of (there are others too).

FAILURE
on Sundays i watch IN PLAIN SIGHT about the US MARSHALS WITNESS PROTECTION PROGRAM,last nite turned out to be a surprising meditation on hubris & failure. FAILURE IS THE BEST TEACHER etc etc etc.i can't wait to see what i learn from the upcoming California economic meltdown...

found another pressure sore, this one on the back of my head from the sleep apnea C PAP session.two pressure sores now, oddly enough i feel like a REAL CRIP NOW.doesn't make any sense but it's true.

DISABLED WORLD is a crip newsletter, been researching them online since MARTY OMOTO decided to close up shop.good work done Marty & good luck to you.
that's all i got today.

namaste
semper crabby
mega

DEATH 1000 2

"You're just visiting my reality."a fave button of MY EX (*)

aloha again, just a short spew today.

in other news,
OBAMA MESSIAH and his admin have promised to take a more hands on approach to Health Care Reform (sic) Paul Krugman's column warns him NOT TO TRUST THE INSURANCE COMPANIES whose wealth derives from Curtailing Health Options including one simple form for all insurance companies as suggested 15 YEARS AGO & ignored.

OM is once again prematurely compromising with a promise to maybe cut back on Medicare & MediCal (Medicaid) benefits OH GOODY. i have a cartoon tee shirt,drawn by a doc in Salt Lake City which shows DRIVE THRU BRAIN SURGERY, at one time i thot it funny & improbable.Maybe not???
as MY EX (*) reminds me, i am prone to depression while she is prone to mania, our children have divided this up likewise.one can be both Depressed while in a Great Relationship (thanx Soul Mate) and enduring ever escalating levels of chronic pain, which is in and of itself depressing. (No Z Man, i am NOT DYING, that i know of).
i no longer get migraines,yes men too get migraines, but my body has made up the differnce by spreading things around.right now a muscle in my forehead has a tic, T-I-C not tick even tho it's probably LYME related.

TOO MUCH TO ASK?
this week ALTERNET (check it out) has an article on Hard Times leading to Depression,Domestic Violence and Suicide (cheery thots) and our local news bleed has several stories on 7 people committing suicide by train tracks in the past few weeks,including students from a prestigous high school.it would nice if Americans learned the lessons of History but that's probably just too much too ask.

"War is nature's way of teaching Americans geography." Ambrose Bierce,another depressed curmudgeon

namaste
semper grumpy
mega

DEATH OF A 1000 CUTS

"What a revoltin' development this is!" catchphrase of actor William Bendix on his 50s TV series The Life of Riley

aloha again,
greetings from the State of Paralysis (per Paul Krugman,Nobel winner)

SCREED ALERT
i sit here with a new pressure sore on my lip amidst the ruins of disability activism. Marty Omoto! volunteer crip acvtivist extraordinaire is washing his hands of this whole disjointed mess. he proclaims,rightly me thinks, that there is no actual DISABLED COMMUNITY merely a series of fuedalistic & discrete limitations stuck in their traditonal rivalries for the almighty government dollar.we need a new Helen Kellar to unite us but there is none.

almost everything i have spent the last dozen years working for is about to be wiped out with one disastrous budget debt (WHO COULD'VE SEEN THIS COMING??? see Naomi Klein's SHOCK DOCTRINE for the financial & philosophical underpinnings).the cities & counties who have been cut to the bone before are now being told to crack open the bone,suck out the marrow and send it to the Sacto Spendthrifts with a promise of repayment...eventually.
adult day care-closed,Adult Protective Services-closed,IHSS services -proposed 90% cuts,public transit kneecapped,social workers fired,teachers fired,classes expanded in size by half, school supplies-not in this century!,prisons are over crowded with non violent drug offenders( 3 Strikes is yet another disaster like the aptly named Prop 13), county workers furloughed,no money for anything else besides tax cuts...the rich are getting richer while the middle class,excuse me THE FORMER MIDDLE CLASS, are being scattered from their ad hoc tent cities by the uniformed leaf blowers that are the Police (look up Coxie's (sp?) Army in the 1930s and the role played by the HEROIC McArthur & Eisenhower).the CALIFORNIA GOLDEN BEAR is crapping all over us.Chris Rock once described TRICKLE DOWN THEORY as whichever crumbs fall off the table of the mega rich-that's yours,now fight over it!

SIGH. it is to cry.i was all set to write about abortions but this strikes me personally and immediately. the tale is that Eskimos ( the Inuits),in times of crisis, put the elderlry on ice flows to die. i am told freezing to death is rather painless unlike fighting over dumpster treasures or watching legions of Alzheimers zombies wandering into traffic.

WHAT KIND OF PEOPLE HAVE WE BECOME? billions for occupation & Coporate Tribute but NOT ONE RED CENT FOR SINGLE PAYER despite the equivilent of one and a half Californias (@ 45 millions) walking naked in this medical sh*tstorm.
FACT half of all bankruptcies are filed by people WHO HAVE HEALTH INSURANCE. FACT Medicare admin overhead runs 3 to 5%,FOR PROFIT OVERHEAD RUNS 11 TO 35%.we pay twice as much for less than half the services.i am seething over how easily we are being bamboozled. don't get me started on Max Baucaus and OBAMA THE CHRIST has sold us down the river with his compromises & phony "explantions". charisma is no substitute for National Health Care.maybe i should stop now before the Secret Service kicks in my door, remember that The Patriot Act is still in effect.and one more thing...

"The law,in its majestic equality,forbids the rich as well as the poor to sleep under bridges,to beg in the streets,and to steal bread." Anatole France
this crap never changes.

in other news,
people will soon be dying in the streets here unless The Dims grow some spine.FAT CHANCE,maybe we can use the corpses for compost??? or is that Too Nasty? WELCOME TO MY WORLD...

namaste
semper pissed
mega

COMPLEX SLEEP APNEA

"To sleep,perchance to dream..." Shaxberd (sp)

aloha again,
RIP DR.GEORGE MILLER,martyr SIGH & CRY.

as i was leaving the Sleep Center this morning i listened to the hearfelt analysis of STEPHANIE MILLER on the radio and her many listeners. one particulary rabid God Fearing (sic) woman actually defended Bill O'Reilly and sort of the shooter too by proclaiming that she followed GOD'S LAW & NOT MAN'S LAW.{oh boy Golly wow} as she trotted out the bogus figure of Dr.Tiller killing 60,ooo babies (sic) HA only if he worked 8 hours a day every day for 25 years and did absolutely nothing else clinic wise.Domestic Terrorism works when it comes to women's reproductive rights...MISOGYNY is the key word here-the hatred,fear and control of women & their sexuality.Steph pointed out that the Taliban would agree quite easily with her rabid caller,nuff said.

in other news,
i was at the Sleep Center again,because i have been diagnosed with COMPLEX OBSTRUCTIVE SLEEP APNEA,seems that nothing Simple ever happens to me. AVOID STRESS (sic) seems i stop breathing at least 78 times an hour and my body goes into Panic Mode to keep me alive-adrnealine,cortisol and other stress hormones flood my system.no wonder i rarely wake up refreshed.so it seems i will soon be getting a C PAP machine, a long plastic hose which forces air into your nose, i test drove one last night but still had insomnia & restlessness.

so i can add this to cirrhrosis of the liver (Viocdin related-how does Dr.House do it?) and nodes under the lungs (pneumonia related from childhood events) as part of my 2009 medical hit parade.i should've been a doctor or a coroner...as long as i'm being pissy.
400 people demonstrated here in "Paradise" yesterday because Gov.A*Hole's proposed budget would close half the beaches on the coastline. no local demo for the 1 million children who will lose Healthy Families medical care,the 390,000 frail & disabled elderly who will lose IHSS home care who will die or be shuttled to non existnet local nursing homes or all the other non profits who serve them and other disablites. no, they are just worried sick about the F*CKING BEACHES!
i once had an aged friend whose favorite saying was
"sometimes i think i've lived too long." Amen brother amen.

in other news,
RHANDI RHODES is back on the airwaves spouting Common,now UNCOMMON SENSE,again.YIPPEE! go to her website if your local station doesn't carry her.more from me later..
namaste
semper grumpy SNORE
mega