burnt 2014

"The early bird gets the worm but 
the second mouse gets the cheese."
a meme heard twice this week in episodic TV dramas

hola,
me again.
i am,by nature,a naturally gloomy person
so when i got "the galloping Crud"as my
WW II father called it around Thanksgiving
didn't think much of it.
then when it persisted thot it might be
the infamous Swine Flu but it wasn't....

and then memories of the 80s came back and i
realized that 20 years of volunteer Crip Activism
had taken their toll and
i didn't really give a shit anymore
that The Great Recession has
decimated all programs for the homeless,
sick,disabled and frail elderly
and that these losses coupled with
a stingy anemic recovery
meant that almost everything i'd spent
two decades fighting for was now wiped out

and worse those supposedly fighting for these changes
had devolved into shortsighted basically selfish
me-me-me whiners so
fuck it, i pulled the pin
threw the baby under the bus and
resigned most of the things that had gotten my
tired broken body
out of a nice warm bed to twenty years.
did i feel a sense of relief?
yes for about 36 hours and now
 i just feel burnt out again and still.

so now i have my writing and this blog
and an unquenchable? thrist for knowledge
to sustain me (oh yes and SM)
hope that will be enuff.
so now y'all know...

namaste
mega