2014 what the fuck y'all?

"I HATE EVERYONE"
seen in an online tee shit catalog,i could paint one cheaper...

hola,
long time no blog
just links lots n lots of links.

since Xmas have benn fighting various flu strains
and a dulling malaise brought on by a natural sleep aid
melatonin.
it induces sleep yes
a blank slate dreamless sleep but the next day
i find myself sluggish more clumsy than usual
and dull witted IMHO.
a Faustian bargain of troubled unsatisfying sleep or
broken mostly sleepless nights.....

so the links today are more bleak and peckish than usual?
i am of the age where i no longer expect
a decent fedgov but am still young enuff
to be disappointed by their.....what?
what the fuck y'all.

words fail me.

i am older sick and disappointed
in almost everything.

but i have found a Soul Mate who still
seems pleased to have me around and
my one screenplay
that Everyone liked has gotten at best
a lukewarm reception
so i will soon offer another
untested in communal perceptions.

sigh.
 i am tired and that shit
took all the piss & vinegar out of me.
watched a dumb show NAKED AND AFRAID
and one of the people there said
"THE KEY TO SURVIVAL IS MENTAL TOUGHNESS"
fine but i've benn toughing it out
my entire Life since birth in Harlem
until now and i am fucking exhausted.

have begun looking at my Life
thru an Aspergers lens
and not exactly like what i see
but it does explain a lot
A LOT.

too bad nobody was diagnosing
poor kids in Harlem with
Anything back in the day....
not Aspergers
not PTSD
not extended grief
nada
bupkiss.

i do not fear Death
lost that long ago like
some vestigial organ
or emotion
BRING IT.
i am so so sick of this shit
but
as usual i willl soldier on
until
i can't anymore then
i will smile and fade away.

colonoscopy next week gotta go
(heheheheeee)

"Everyone thinks of changing the world
but no one thinks of changing himself."
        Leo Tolstoy


namaste
mega