I'M WITH STUPID

"The more things a man is ashamed of,the more respectable he is. "
George Bernard Shaw

aloha again, there is a classic tee shirt "I'm with stupid" with an arrow pointing to the crotch.the tee shirt is true...during the 1980s.

SEX & METH
a blond man is happily cheating on his wife with his girlfriend,both are naked when there is a knock on the door.a tall muscular black woman announces she is from an escort service, he says he did not call an escort service.she asks if she can come in to call her service to make sure she has the right room.he puts on a fluffy hotel robe and lets her in to call...SIGH. she fakes making the call and steals his wallet. she leaves and he gets naked again, a few minutes later she is back to make another call, this time she steals the girlfriends wallet and leaves.the girlfriend notices and calls downstairs to the front desk,which is where i come in.
the desk clerk is announcing the theif's description as he writes it down, i look up and there she is! i follow her out to the sidewalk and grab her arm, a gold Caddy rolls up with the door open and she slings a purse underhand which slides to within her pimp's grasp before he drives off.sweet...then she casually picks me up with one hand ( i was about 245 in those days) and attempts to fling me backwards thru the hotel's plate glass window, i twist in mid air and somehow manage to land on my feet unharmed. i haul her back inside the hotel where she breaks several acrylic fingernails ripping at my scrotum (protective jockstrap intervention) then she attempts to gouge at my eyes, my anger gets the best of me and i draw out my metal flashlight (the Kill Lite) ready to put her lights out permanently, only the saucer wide terrified eyes of the nearby bellman stop me.
"You're hurtin' me!" she lies and the worrywort desk manager pleads for me to ease up, i do and slippery as an eel she wriggles away.we repeat this role play three times around the lobby until i finally shut her dwon with a blindside tackle and plant her face down as i sit on her back pinning her to the lobby carpet.a wiseass guest comes in and observes "Is this the way you treat guests at the____ hotel?"all prickly, i reply that she is NOT a guest merely a theif. the victims come down in their fluffy robes just as the cops arrive and greet the theif by name.i am stunned by their story and equally stunned the cops almost leave behind three bloody meth syringes found on the theif, they blandly reply they thot it belonged to the guests.Priceless.

SEX & BOOZE
when not in the lobby or on key duty i patrolled the hotels hallways at least twice a night,elevator to the top then alternate stairs down.one night,during a busy citywide business convention, as i am about to leave the stairway i see a door open silently, i wait.. a drunk woman wearing Only lavender panties, did i mention the hotel's fluffy robes???, comes out an trots down the hall to get laid while leaving her door wide open.i tell the front desk and stand guard until she returns happily about five minutes later.SIGH.

SEX & ROBBERY
one night in the lobby i notice "sandy" a well dressed high priced spread from Union Square follow a beefy guest to the elevator.this ususally does not mean trouble, sandy is one of the better mannered whores, a petite classy high yellow woman with freckles.later the same guest reports that he has been robbed, his story is that HE OPENED HIS DOOR TO A KNOCK then sandy came in to have sex (no mention of money) and rob him of wallet and a gold nugget ring,which was an anniversary gift from his wife.since we are both black he assumes i am her pimp and demands i get his wallet and ring back.luckily the cops don't believe him either...he never gets anything back. ditto with the Japanese tourists told to "take a shower" before coitus so they could get robbed...not like Japan boys.

SEX AND STUPID
another night on patrol i hear a loud banging as i exit the stairtway, i open the door to find a skunky naked black whore banging on a suites door.my eyes are watering from the undiluted funk as i politely inqure what's up. the trick couldn't apparently get it up so he tosses her out naked without paying.i inform him that he can't do this and eventually he relents and returns her clothes but no money.this woman smelled So Bad that merely by standing near her my uniform became permeated with her stench and i had to change.

same suite about two weeks later, this time two white whores have called the front desk because the third man is limp and hid their clothes while they serviced his two friends. i arrive to find them wrapped in hotel towels trying to reason with the impotent petulant drunk. i bluff that he can be arrested for THEFT OF SERVICE (he can't) as well as Petty Theft (he can), ten minutes later the girls are on their way in badly wrinkles 'ho rags.

STUPID GAY SEX
Rick was a bottle blonde gay Indian and night room service waiter. one night Rick took a huge table of food to a large suite and found a gay orgy in progress, an orgy he promptly joined and remembered to call in about a bit later. need i mention this is a No No? he skated that time but was soon fired for doing other stupid sh*t...

no moral to the stories, just some memories i thot you might find amusing.
MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES??? www.mhcan.org nationwide peer counseling and activism.check it out!

Mahayana namaste
semper gumbo
mega