"The worst thing that can happen in a democracy-as well
as in an individual's life-is to become cynical
about the future and lose hope."
Hillary Rodham Clinton
yeah right.
"At least you've always worked."
a grudging summation of my Life
per my Mother
there was a popular book years ago
"How to deal with difficult people"
they must've have meant peeps like me
as GRUMPY seems to best describe
my general mood and tone.
ACA=Adult Children of Alcoholics
of which i am one,memories of going
into various Harlem bars looking for my Dad before dinner...
to me being an ACA is marked by HYPERVIGILANCE
like most post combat vets.
as a child, an pre ACA child,
you are constantly on the alert
as any careless moment might get you injured or killed.
up until i left, my mother
would beat me with an electrical cord-
naked- in the dining area next to the front door
so all the world could hear my screams.
these cord leave large red welts which
could be seen for days...more than once
while sleeping naked
i was wakened by her whipping me for some
long forgotten offense or another.
nowadays they would say my Mother
had Anger Issues,i always thot of her
as a Rage Queen,more scary than anything else
i encountered in Harlem.
so i was raped as a child,raised in a toxic home,
bullied in school and on the streets,
my father died suddenly before puberty
and my mother call me "overly sensitive"
and "a hermit'.
so i studied martial arts,lifted weights
and began researching the nature of EVIL
via the Nazis.so later in life,high school,
when i began to run inot
killers and sociopaths, i found
that i could study the facets of Evil
up close and personal.
PTSD=Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
so like anyone who has seen combat as an adult
someone like me who has lived in
Gladiator School Mode
most of my life
must fit like a glove.
people tell me things,
things they should probably never reveal to anyone.
i recall Korak the KIller telling me in loving
almost pornographic detail
the first throat he ever cut with a K Bar
one night in an ammo dump
where sappers (VC sabotuers)
had infiltrated.(he later traded up
to a better sharper Brit commando knife
-a Fairborn-Sykes?)
i recall a French Foreign Legion
mercenary telling me in detail,
on a long ride form the airport,
people he had killed in North Africa.
i recall a man telling me how his sister,a nun,
spent a month whoring out her body
to every man she met in Vegas...
and so on and so on.
"I am not the man I thought I was." G Man
only now in deep despair and pain
when i relive the worst moments of my life
do i know see how i would appear to most
normal people..i am not afraid to die,be killed or kill
and when i threaten someone i am prepared to
take the consequences.
i have been called "meticulous,stubborn,disobedient,
fearless and foolhardy".
i have been both praised and damned.
i had a Dirty Harry frame of mind,
when i found out my young children had been molested
my first thot was wear to dump the body
(too bad The Mirage had told the police before telling me).
was rasied a savage in a savage land
and that savagery is still withing me.
when G Man recently asked if i thot
i had the nerve to commit suicide
my answer was unequivicol
Hell Yes!
i am a creature both darker and more observant than most
both the brilliant Dr.Jekyll and the
monstrous Mr.Hyde.....
i am a creature of the night,
i am that which goes bump in the night
and wakens you to your worse nightmares
which are my daily dread.
the pulp hero The Shadow
used to say
WHO KNOWS WHAT EVIL
...LURKS IN THE HEARTS OF MEN?
i think i do.
like Sherlock Holmes and my other heroes
i both Look and See
there are pitfalls and fatal errors everywhere
and one must be ever vigialnt
and ever alert...and prpare
to kill or be killed
as need be.
looking at my rare notes
this is not the blog in intended to write
today but i stand by it,
every word without apology.
aloha2u today
namaste
mega
as in an individual's life-is to become cynical
about the future and lose hope."
Hillary Rodham Clinton
yeah right.
"At least you've always worked."
a grudging summation of my Life
per my Mother
there was a popular book years ago
"How to deal with difficult people"
they must've have meant peeps like me
as GRUMPY seems to best describe
my general mood and tone.
ACA=Adult Children of Alcoholics
of which i am one,memories of going
into various Harlem bars looking for my Dad before dinner...
to me being an ACA is marked by HYPERVIGILANCE
like most post combat vets.
as a child, an pre ACA child,
you are constantly on the alert
as any careless moment might get you injured or killed.
up until i left, my mother
would beat me with an electrical cord-
naked- in the dining area next to the front door
so all the world could hear my screams.
these cord leave large red welts which
could be seen for days...more than once
while sleeping naked
i was wakened by her whipping me for some
long forgotten offense or another.
nowadays they would say my Mother
had Anger Issues,i always thot of her
as a Rage Queen,more scary than anything else
i encountered in Harlem.
so i was raped as a child,raised in a toxic home,
bullied in school and on the streets,
my father died suddenly before puberty
and my mother call me "overly sensitive"
and "a hermit'.
so i studied martial arts,lifted weights
and began researching the nature of EVIL
via the Nazis.so later in life,high school,
when i began to run inot
killers and sociopaths, i found
that i could study the facets of Evil
up close and personal.
PTSD=Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
so like anyone who has seen combat as an adult
someone like me who has lived in
Gladiator School Mode
most of my life
must fit like a glove.
people tell me things,
things they should probably never reveal to anyone.
i recall Korak the KIller telling me in loving
almost pornographic detail
the first throat he ever cut with a K Bar
one night in an ammo dump
where sappers (VC sabotuers)
had infiltrated.(he later traded up
to a better sharper Brit commando knife
-a Fairborn-Sykes?)
i recall a French Foreign Legion
mercenary telling me in detail,
on a long ride form the airport,
people he had killed in North Africa.
i recall a man telling me how his sister,a nun,
spent a month whoring out her body
to every man she met in Vegas...
and so on and so on.
"I am not the man I thought I was." G Man
only now in deep despair and pain
when i relive the worst moments of my life
do i know see how i would appear to most
normal people..i am not afraid to die,be killed or kill
and when i threaten someone i am prepared to
take the consequences.
i have been called "meticulous,stubborn,disobedient,
fearless and foolhardy".
i have been both praised and damned.
i had a Dirty Harry frame of mind,
when i found out my young children had been molested
my first thot was wear to dump the body
(too bad The Mirage had told the police before telling me).
was rasied a savage in a savage land
and that savagery is still withing me.
when G Man recently asked if i thot
i had the nerve to commit suicide
my answer was unequivicol
Hell Yes!
i am a creature both darker and more observant than most
both the brilliant Dr.Jekyll and the
monstrous Mr.Hyde.....
i am a creature of the night,
i am that which goes bump in the night
and wakens you to your worse nightmares
which are my daily dread.
the pulp hero The Shadow
used to say
WHO KNOWS WHAT EVIL
...LURKS IN THE HEARTS OF MEN?
i think i do.
like Sherlock Holmes and my other heroes
i both Look and See
there are pitfalls and fatal errors everywhere
and one must be ever vigialnt
and ever alert...and prpare
to kill or be killed
as need be.
looking at my rare notes
this is not the blog in intended to write
today but i stand by it,
every word without apology.
aloha2u today
namaste
mega
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